What’s an Instagram activist? So glad you asked.

The Instagram activist – like a Bollywood actor who can’t get the Indian map right– lives in the delusion that they know everything about every complex issue.

Ze’s natural habitat is a protest, any protest, where ze is fighting fascism with bling and hash tags.

They are the living embodiment of the Godwin’s Law and believe that everyone is a Nazi, including anyone who doesn’t label Modi a ‘fascist’.

This would include everyone who votes for BJP or its allies, which in 2019 would entail labelling 45% of the Indian population as ‘fascist’.

The first Instagram activist was spotted during the Net Neutrality debate, despite not knowing how many bytes equal one gigabyte, but were convinced Mark Zuckerberg wanted poor people’s data in India.

The Instagram activist is suitably informed thanks to Dhruv Rathee, AIB and obviously Buzzfeed – the three pillars of eternal knowledge.

Over the years, they become experts on everything, from power grids to the angle at which one ought to hold placards to protest authoritarianism.

They know that the only thing threatening freedom of expression in India is BJP/RSS/Modi and all other parties are vocal advocates of free speech.

They know some trees are more equal than others.

They believe Hindutva is a exclusionary political ideology despite BJP winning over half the SC/ST seats in 2019 and having a Dalit president and OBC PM.

They can discern which rapes or lynchings are more equal and which ones deserve trending hash tags and candlelight marches.

They are experts on the laws applicable for bail and know to what degree one must be educated to avail said laws.

The Instagram activist living by the following commandments:

- Modi and BJP/RSS are the fount of all evil.

- Anyone who opposes Modi should be elevated to Obama status.

- Not all fascism is equal though and when meted out by secular allies, it’s simply standing up to bullies.

- Caste was invented in 2014.

- Hindutva is responsible for all crimes.

- Islam is the most peaceful, all-embracing religion of our time that accepts all, including LGBTQI+ individuals, that’s why Srinagar is the best place to hold Pride marches.

- Aadhar is a weapon of mass surveillance, particularly when combined with Aarogya Setu.

- A mix of John Lennon, socialism and secularism is the only solution to India’s ills.

- CAA-NRC is evil incarnate and a way to rile up minorities living peacefully in Pakistan, Bangladesh and Afghanistan where they are equal de jure and de facto.

- Bollywood might be a misogynist cesspool but even an acquitted hit-and-run superstar is better than Lord Drugs Do or WhatsApp aunty.

- Left candidates across the world lose because all electoral systems are rigged.

And most importantly, the revolution will be led by Umar Khalid.

Down with fascism.

Read other Nonsensical Nemo columns.

The author is the Web Editor the Free Press Journal and tweets at @nirmalyadutta23. The views are personal.

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