I am 48 years old and my vagina is extremely dry because of which my husband finds penetration very painful. What should I do to ensure lubrication? SK, Govandi
Vaginal dryness in menopausal women is very common as oestrogen levels fall. During sexual arousal, vagina therefore produces less of its lubricating secretions, leading to pain and soreness during intercourse. Dryness can also be due to diabetes or any physical illness. Emotional factors like lack of intimacy, your willingness for sex, lack of enough foreplay, relationship issues, stress, tiredness, boredom, etc also affect arousal. Mentally, arousal is equivalent to physical wetness in vagina. Do have some ‘me time’ and masturbate and feel orgasm for self.
Thereby learn what you like sexually and what arouses you, so you can accordingly ask your partner to do. Most important, your arousal also depends on your husband’s way of loving and cuddling you. I personally as a sexologist do not believe in fixing the problem with gel or lubes. However, you can use watersoluble gels like K-Y jelly, apply inside the vagina or on fingers or penis of the partner to relieve dryness. Avoid using perfumed soaps, bath oils or sprays as it may irritate the vagina and make sex more uncomfortable. Sex is beautiful at all ages. It doesn’t disappear during or after menopause.
When we got married, my wife was oversexed. After 20 years of married life she has completely lost interest. What is the reason? SM, Jogeshwari
The changes in sex life are a part of hormonal changes. Some find their desire increases and some experience a loss of interest in sex. Sexual desire is both learned and innate. As she had a pleasurable sex life with you earlier, it is very likely that sex will continue as normal. Right now maybe it’s a passing time zone. Vaginal dryness is very common at this phase. wherein sex hurts her and leads to an avoidance mechanism. Emotional connections matter a lot in a relationship. Talk to her openly. Non-genital contact like massage may make her feel good. Check for other medical issues, stress or relationship issues, if any.
I am a 28-year-old flatchested woman. I am constantly being criticised for this by my husband. What should I do to increase the size of my breasts? PI, Colaba
Your genetics play a significant role in determining the size of your breasts. Body composition and percentage of fat matters as breast is majorly made up of fats. It is definitely the beauty of a feminine figure and an integral part of sexual attraction too. Two people enter into marriage with love and respect for each other. Nobody sees the size of breast or the size of penis during marriage. Ideally, if he loves you, the size of your breast must not matter to him. By any means, small size doesn’t interfere in making love nor with your sex drive. Learn to stand up for yourself rather than accepting criticism and body shaming. Medically there are no medicines to increase breast size. While those who are unhappy may consider nonsurgical options like padded bras or cosmetic procedures for surgical augmentation, such as implants or fat transfer. As a female sexologist, personally I would say, accept the size of your breast gracefully.
Dr Hetal Gosalia, Samadhan Health Studio. Queries may be sent to fpj.sexmatters@gmail.com
