I don’t like the idea of getting married so young but everyone in my family has been forcing me to. My aunt also said that young girls like me are characterless and can’t settle down because we are nymphomaniacs. I don’t know how to process this. Please help.
Your aunt’s comments may carry a strong undercurrent of bias and malice, but the reasons behind her unpleasantness are neither your concern nor responsibility to manage. Historically, when kings waged wars, women often found themselves widowed as their husbands, who fought for these monarchs, were frequently martyred in battle. At times, these women were left vulnerable, treated as commodities, subjected to sexual exploitation and humiliation in the chaotic aftermath of wars. However, it’s crucial to recognise that in those eras, the modern conveniences of police protection and the democratic institutions of today’s military did not exist. Early marriage was often viewed as a form of "insurance coverage" as husbands were expected to provide physical protection, economic stability, socio-psychological companionship, and even entertainment, frequently realised through childbearing and child-rearing roles. Young girls were seen as deserving protection, and men were perceived as capable of providing it. Yet, in today’s world, it’s a reasonable hope that mindsets would also evolve. A nymphomaniac is someone addicted to sexual activity. For your aunt to determine if you fall into that category, she would require detailed accounts of your sexual activity, which would be challenging for her to acquire, isn’t it? You are already "settled down." Find peace with who you are. Marry when you are ready and don't fret over what others have to say.
Ever since I accidentally saw my parents have sex during our holiday, I have started feeling weird about having sex in my personal life. I’ve never had it and don’t think I will ever. My boyfriend thinks I’m being weird about it. Please guide me.
Have you ever come across a story where a woman became pregnant as a result of winning a game of billiards? We’re not residing on an alien planet where such bizarre events transpire. You came into existence through the natural outcome of your parents’ sexual activity, and it’s important to come to terms with this reality. The image you’ve constructed in your mind about your parents may be not fully embracing their identities as individuals. Your personal sex life is a realm for you to explore and nurture. Sex, in itself, is a curious physical act that elicits pleasure, warmth, and fundamentally contributes to the survival of the human species. It makes me curious to hear you declare that you’ll never engage in sexual activity. Have you been led to believe that those who partake in sex are somehow flawed, immoral, or lacking in some way? It’s worth appreciating that your parents’ continued physical connection suggests an ongoing attraction between them. If you’re not presently comfortable with the idea of sex, you’re welcome to explore simpler acts of physical intimacy. Sex often requires surrendering to the moment. If that doesn’t occur, feelings of being guarded and guilty may hinder your connection with your partner. It’s essential to come to terms with what you’ve witnessed as natural aspect of life.
(Dr Aman Rajan Bhonsle, Ph.D, is a consulting relationship counsellor and youth mentor)
