I once slept with a girl I met on a dating app. Turns out, she was once married to my school friend. I never knew. It’s being discussed on our school WhatsApp group. I don’t know where to turn. They’re calling me a pervert. Please help.
In every language, words are often used loosely to convey feelings rather than precisely articulate a point. Being labelled as a pervert doesn't make you one, just as being called a giraffe won't lead you to relocate to the Serengeti. When a woman is on a dating app, she typically seeks to explore the features and options it offers, so it's reasonable to assume that when you meet and engage in a consensual sexual encounter, it's an agreement between two adults addressing their physical needs while assessing potential romantic compatibility. It might sound technical, but it really isn't. Back in school, there were various common areas of interest that students discussed, whether it was teachers, playground stories, experiences with parents, or personal feelings about everyone. However, as people progress through the academic pipeline, from college to university to professional life, the pool of shared topics tends to shrink due to diverse lives, careers, and social circles coming into play. At this stage, gossiping about someone, like yourself, becomes a topic of conversation that piques curiosity. If you find it uncomfortable to be used for entertainment, you have options. You can either publicly explain your perspective or choose to distance yourself from a group where you're being targeted. Don't take it personally; it's a common experience.
I once made a comment online that I love fair skinned women in short dresses and I was pounced upon online for making a sexist remark. My wife heard about this and she doesn’t let me touch her any more. When I tried initiating sex, she angrily moved back to her mother’s place. What is happening with me?
Every perspective has its counter, and for every personal taste, there's someone at the opposite end of that spectrum bewildered by the existence of such a divergence. Whether your preference leans towards short skirts on fair women or long dresses on dark women, I question the necessity of publicly sharing such intimate preferences on social media. Once an opinion or choice becomes public, it unfortunately may transform into public property, subject to scrutiny, dissection, and cross-examination until it loses its original nuance. People tend to dislike what they cannot control, understand, or appreciate, and your remark might have fallen into one of those categories. When comments are made about a woman's body, some may interpret it as "objectifying" a complex, nuanced individual, reducing her to mere eye candy. This can be hurtful to certain women who dislike being perceived in that manner or hold strong opinions on how women should be socially received. The fact that your wife is disgusted by this remark warrants examination. It's essential to apologize and engage in a conversation with her. Her decision to move back to her mother's place may signify her deep dissatisfaction. Allow the storm clouds to settle, and moving forward, consider being more discreet about your thoughts and preferences. The world can be reactive and quick to judge when confronted with views they dislike. Remember, the map of your mind remains a free-range territory.
