The most painful feeling in the world is to lose someone you love. The person may have departed but their memories linger, for some of us it always will. It makes the situation more challenging when the person you cared for the most is subsisting in this universe but not in your life any more. It may or may not be mutual, it may be a break-up, loss of touch or departure of the soul. The person may have been part of your family or your friend or the love of your life. The situations are different for all of us, but the state of break down is natural and common. Like salt, their absence is felt. So many times we come across people who might be silently suffering from within for reasons not known to us. At times we are unable to understand or even identify that the person is going through such a phase. If only we could reach out to them. The hesitation is regarding how we can intervene in someone’s personal life.
At times it is us who is in need. In this phase all we need is someone to talk to, someone to share feelings with. And some of us long for this someone, but in vain. These are some of the questions that may cross our mind in this situation: ‘Should I sulk, cry, not go out?’ Do cry for once and for all, let all that which upsets you flow out. It will make you feel better and your heart lighter. But just once. What is the point in endlessly crying? The only thing you will feel in the end is depressed. People who had to leave your life are gone, but there is a lot of life in you. Try not to suppress yourself mentally, what’s the point? Give yourself the love you need. Go have your favourite pizza at your favourite restaurant. Go shopping. Listen to your favourite music. Treat and pamper yourself; you are strong, stronger than you think you are. If you are tight on pocket at least try to go for morning/ evening strolls at picturesque places, a nearby park for instance.
‘Who is to blame for this situation?’ Try not to think on those lines. For example, in the case of a break-up, falling in love might not have been in your hands, but carrying forward those feelings, acting on those feelings were your own conscious decision. So why blame anyone, if the outcome was negative. In case of loss of a loved one, it is an unfortunate event, but something that we humans have to face. Death is inevitable and it tends to pay a surprise visit. Take it as a passing phase, better even a learning one. Do not indulge in self-pity, self-doubt, or ponder over the reason for you being in that situation, for if you do so, you are simply feeding your inner self with negativity. ‘So am I to blame myself?’ Of course not! How does it feel to carry a dead animal in your hands and walk a mile? Okay, how does it feel to carry a live animal and walk a mile? Imagine the difference. Be open to learning, but be closed to repenting, regretting and the like. ‘I am confused about the way I feel, at times I feel well and at times I feel depressed. What to do?’ Take it easy. One person, one situation, one success, one failure and so on, are not life. Life is much larger than these things. Focus on the things you have and be grateful for them.
Even a simple thing like a glass of clean water to drink may be a luxury for some. We are humans, therefore we feel. Give yourself time. Try to help yourself. ‘What about my future?’ Well, what about it? Spend quality time with yourself and make it a priority. Think about yourself like never before, make plans which will nourish your future goals. Work on sculpting your career. Do things which you thought you could never do, challenge yourself for the better. In your life people will come and go, but you shall be with yourself forever. Especially for those who have lost a loved one: ‘I miss them, I want to speak/ see them for one last time. What to do?’ It is not easy but by longing for the like will make things more difficult. Acceptance of the circumstance without regret is important. Having such wishes are like living in the fantasy, the reality is harsh at first but comfortable when accepted. ‘Wishes remain unfulfilled, how to cope up with it?’ Fulfilment in the true sense would be the time spent in quality and not quantity.
As long as we live we wish for things, we wish for outcomes. And in the end all that matters are the moments which made yours and their life fulfilling. ‘I can never forget their presence, what is to be done?’ Love always leaves a lasting mark on your heart. Let the good linger, let the rest flow out. Engage in things which help the out flow. Read good books, watch good cinema, try meditation. Calm yourself, take it easy.
Especially for those who have broken up: ‘Will I get a partner better than him/her?’ Negative thinking will hamper your vibe; on the other hand, a realistic wishful thinking can make you hopeful. Whoever makes you happy and adds value to your life is suitable for you. If they make your life emotionally fulfilling and worth it, go for it! It’s not like there will not be lows, but with the right person and right attitude, you will sail through it together. ‘What if I never find anyone again?’ If you won’t find someone special, someone may find you special. It’s all a matter of time. Do not try to look for someone to complete you, you are whole. That special someone should be a value addition to your otherwise wholesome life. And remember either ways life is beautiful. ‘I feel like telling others how bad he/she is!’ That’s not right.
When you loved that person, they were like your knight in shining armour/ the angel of your dreams. Now that the tables have turned you feel this way. Just let go, thinking of them is like devoting the precious moments of your life which you could have utilised for doing something that makes you happy. Constantly thinking bad about them will cage your mind and spread negativity. Free yourself. No one can do that for you. I realised that it was my mistake, what should I do? Firstly, try not to ponder over past mistakes done when the relation was subsisting. Having said that, if you are sure that the split is an outcome of your mistakes, apologise. Explain, it’s never too late. If they are not willing to listen or you are not on talking terms with them any more, forgive yourself and wish good for them. And leave it at that.
‘I am still in love with that person, what to do?’ Ask yourself, is it worth it? And be honest. One sided things never work out. It is not wrong to love but do not succumb to that feeling. Don’t end up doing things which are not good for you. Take a decision and stick to it, do not be a fence sitter.
‘He/ she is sending me negative texts/ making angry phone calls, what should I do, how should I respond?’ Just be calm. As far as possible not only in such cases, but in general, one should try to avoid, ignore or forego the negativity in life. If you cannot do that, then deal with it. But do not consume yourself in it. Actions are a result of one’s state of mind. If they are passing on negativity, perhaps they have nothing better to offer.
‘If we bump into each other in the future, should we be friends with each other?’ It depends on how well developed your EQ (Emotional Quotient) is, to handle this situation. Ultimately it’s a small world, sooner or later you may bump into people with whom you share a complicated equation. If they speak well, be cordial. If not, leave it. It is said that we are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience. It is indeed human to feel deeply. We must try to nourish our spiritual self, because abundance lies within.
