Dr Anjali Chhabria, Psychiatrist and founder of Mindtemple, Mumbai, answers queries related to problems faced at work place like body shamed at work, caught between work & friendship and to fire or not to fire
Body-shamed at work
I am a young woman and I am over weight. I have always had body shaming issues at school and I thought that it would be easier at work. However, I am finding it very difficult to talk to people at work as everyone comments on my weight behind my back. I have tried everything to lose weight, but because of my health it seems impossible. I have changed 3 jobs in the past 2 years and I am facing the same issue everywhere. I want stability and security and I know that I am capable of it, but because of my weight everything seems impossible. My self esteem has reduced too and now I doubt my success in the future.
Ans: You need to stop cribbing and start acting. If you know the weight is the issues, do not sabotage yourself with it, think beyond. Yes appearance is important but not the only thing that is going to evaluate your work. If you want to work on your weight loss make a goal, begin in small amounts like aiming for 3 to 4 kgs a month, and bring in a healthy life style change. Once a wise man said, ‘if you cannot take care of your body, how you expect me to trust you to take care of my work assigned to you’. And this makes sense as yourself care reflects your levels of commitment. Not to judge that all obese people are inactive that’s isn’t true, but if you focus on your work efficiently as well as bring in change in your health management, you are well looked upon and you can create a good self image.
Also Read: Agony Aunt answers queries on working it out
Caught between work & friendship
My best friend and I work in the same place. It’s been 1 year since the two of us started working here. Due to her high capabilities and good leadership skills, my best friend was promoted and made the team leader within the first six months. Initially, I was very happy for her and found the decision to be in my favour as I was her best friend. However, gradually, differences started creeping in our friendship due to the hierarchy. In a couple of instances, she has tried to demean me as well over my inability to complete a task, without knowing the complete scenario. She began to exercise her powers as the leader and that would often end up in her hurting or offending some colleague. As a result, all other colleagues bitch about her and complain to me. On one hand, I support my friend due to our friendship; on the other hand, I have started to notice the change in her attitude towards others and do not wish others to dislike her. Currently, I am in a confused space and there is constant dilemma as to what I “should” do.
Ans: You are bound to feel confused as you are choosing between the right thing to do which is tell your friend that she needs to bring a change in her approach as people dislikes the same, as compared to being a good friend and doing what she please. However being a good friend does not mean you listen to everything she directs you to do, at times it’s you role to pinpoint the mistake our friend is making even if it involves, you confronting her with the unjust behavior she has been putting up. You should share with her what the actual scenario is at work, as a leader if she is not able to keep the team together and maintain relationship with the team members, she may be risking her position, which in turn will hurt her feelings, so as a true friend you must reflect her with the truth so she can bring in the necessary changes rather than hit a stonewall. You correcting her might hurt her but at least it won’t ridicule her amongst the other, and rational share your intention behind correcting her that it was merely to save her from being disliked by others at the office and that you would help he to bring the change if she liked.
Also Read: Agony Aunt deals with problems in personal relationships
To fire or not to fire
I have been appointed a leadership position in my workplace and the colleagues that used to work with me now work under me. It was all going well until I just found out that I will have to fire one of my colleagues who used to work with me because of her underperformance in the ongoing project. Since this it entirely my decision, I am now sort of stuck on a cross road where I am unable to decide whether to do as required and fire her immediately or to give her another chance after taking consent from my authorities. She has helped me multiple times when we worked together and I can’t bring myself to fire her without giving her another fair chance. Please help, what should I do?
Ans: What you can do is first clear the air with this colleague, ask her the reason as to why she is lacking at her work and not being able to keep the space. Obviously you cannot always handle things personally and need a professional approach but since you are feeling a little guilty of not giving her a fair chance then well you should allow her a chance. Understand her situations and explain to her why it is important for her to bring in the change. If she is ready to commit and do the needful changes in her work pattern, then you can speak to the higher authorities and speak to them about some sort of training they can offer to help her develop her skills. Explain to them as well that if she has invested time in their company she must have got the hang of the work situations and it’s a worth trying to give her a chance instead of hiring someone new and waiting for that person to learn the same. But if she is not ready to work, then you can dismiss her from the responsibilities in a composed manner.
