Lonely mother-in-law
I am a 27 year old woman and have just got married. I am having problems with my mother-in- law. She has recently been widowed and keeps refusing to let my husband and me go out together claiming that she feels lonely while we have each other to enjoy with. We have been trying to get her to go out with us but that cannot always happen. Please suggest ways in which we can make her feel a little less lonely and help her accept the possibility of my husband and I enjoying alone.
Ans: Firstly,
that it isn’t feasible to spend every waking hour together. She has lost an integral relationship of her life and feels insecure about the same. You can help her by engaging her in activities which make her independent; reconnecting her with people of her age through support groups can also help.
Shy
I am 15 years old and have just started schooling in a co-education school. I have attended an all boys school till the 8th standard. I fear speaking to girls because I haven’t done that before and because of that the other boys in my class have started calling me ‘gay’ and other such names. This has made me hate going to school. How do I tell my parents about this? Because I genuinely tried to talk to girls, but I failed every time.
Ans: You need to calm down, and think about what is creating this huge fear monster in your head. It is usually the occurrence of one bad experience that forces you to think and generalize your inability, and thus you develop the fear as to whenever you will approach a girl you feel you’ll be let down. Girls can be difficult to please, but you need to overcome your fear and just approach them first in a friendly manner just the way you would talk to some boy, causally. If you are confused about your sexuality you can consult your school counsellor, as they can help you to find out more on interrogating or by even doing psychological testing. This counselling will not only help you to figure if you are gay but also help you to accept who you are, be comfortable with it and let others accept you too.
Prioritising
I really love my boyfriend and I don’t want to leave him, but my parents are against this relationship since I don’t spend much time with family and my grades are falling. However, I do know that he makes me happy and I love spending maximum time with him. I have now told my parents that I am not in contact with him (which is a lie). I feel guilty, but I know that I cannot stop dating him. I love him too much. What do I do?
Ans: What you seem to be experiencing is ‘blind love’, and yes it makes you do crazy things till you realize that you have nothing left but just your remorse. Definitely it’s an amazing feeling to be in love, and it’s addicted so you want to keep being involved with love, but just the way any sort of thing if it’s done too much can create problems, so can these love relations. You need to create a balance between all areas of life, and this would be true for having a content life in any given circumstances. It’s ok to tell your boyfriend that you equally love you family to spend time with them and that you equally find your studies important. You have to decide what’s important when and take a call by giving balanced time to all. This way you can manage all areas of life with equivalent priorities.
Getting out
I have always been an above average student and have worked really hard because I knew I wanted to go abroad as I do not like staying at home. All my friends are now leaving for university (abroad) and although I am just as capable as them and very eager to make use of the opportunities offered abroad, I couldn’t apply as my parents cannot afford it. They had initially promised, but now I know it is impossible for me to go. I am tired of living in the same place and can’t stand it anymore. What do I do?
Ans: You need to pursue further studies for a good reason like passion towards the subject or achieving your career goal and not a lame reason of just wanting to get out of the place. However if you really wish to go you need to figure your finance out for instance if you have been scoring well probably you can try for scholarships or even if you are involve in any other extracurricular activity that is recognized national level then you might be eligible to get a scholarship. If not then you may also find out about students loans and work it out with your parents of how you are going to repay or even manage your stay in aboard by working part time. If all areas fail you can probably think of a course which is most popular and recognized worldwide and you can finish that course in India itself then purse your career in aboard by trying to get a job there. Or the last option is you can opt for distance learning for any course you want to do from abroad and then seek jobs there. Just stay focused with your goals and you will find means to achieve them.
