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Agony Aunt

FPJ Bureau | Updated on: Sunday, June 02, 2019, 01:57 AM IST

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Friends Pregnancy

 Ialt39m an 18- year- old girl and my friend just disclosed to me that she is pregnant with the child of her boyfriend since the past 2 months.

 She said Ialt39m one of t

he first people who she has told except for her boyfriend. She tells me not to tell anybody and she is planning to go and get the child illegally aborted in another country. Even though I understand her situation, I donalt39t think she should kill the child in such a manner. I tried reasoning with her but she is acting very stubborn. I donalt39t know what to do and Ialt39m scared she will stop trusting me if I get either of our parents involved.

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During these adolescent years, your friend may be sure she is doing the right thing as her short term consequences are resolved, though she is not able to think long term. It is important that you tell her as her friend, you will support her in whatever decision she makes but you are more concerned about her and not the baby. You must also accept that it is ultimately her and her boyfriends decision what happens with the child. As you can try your best to help her but canalt39t control the situation according to your opinion.

Hence stressing and try to force a change will instead hamper your feelings. Explain to her that there are other options as well such as giving up the baby for adoption to a good family etc other than abortion. I think one of the most important things you should say remind her is that probably she needs to share this at home as her parents however furious but loves her and will wish the best for her. Remind her not to make a mistake solely based on her own emotions. If she still persists, ask her to take another opinion of a close, older family member or teacher or to come and see a psychologist.

Childs death and husbands depression

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 I am a 46 year old woman and it was 2 years ago that I was pregnant for the 3rd time. Last year, I lost my baby girl. This made me very depressed for a few weeks but afterwards I focused on my 2 children and am still slowly getting over it. My husband, however, has started binge drinking and comes home completely drunk almost every night. It is getting more and more frequent and embarrassingwith each passing day. I try to talk to him and every time he promises he will stop but he never does. I am afraid that he is also setting a bad example for the children.

Clearly this child meant a lot to your husband and he is probably suffering depression as well, just as you were. Each individual has a different way of coping with such things. Thankfully, your husband has understood he is making a mistake by coping negatively so you are already halfway there. If hes not listening to you, have a discussion with him and his close friend together. If the thought he is drinking too heavily is unanimous, he is more likely to change his ways. Try to get him to focus on something else, which helped you cope, such as his work or a new sport etc which will help him take his mind off things. Also keep in mind that this close death is still fresh and he can get very emotional and sensitive at this moment. So, try talking diplomatically and remind him that you went through the same thing also and that the two of you will get over it together as a team.

Dr. Anjali Chhabria MINDTEMPLE http:// anjalichhabria. com

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Published on: Sunday, August 12, 2012, 05:30 AM IST