#MentalHealth: Dr Anjali Chhabria offers solutions for relationship dilemmas

I have been suffering from anxiety for the last five years. I have been told by a lot of my friends and family members that I should see a professional, but I am reluctant to do so. I know my issues and problems and in certain ways also the solution, but somehow unable to implement them. I don’t want anxiety to rule my life. I can see it affecting my day-to-day life. How do I help myself overcome this feeling?

In order to help yourself with the anxiety you experience few things need to be worked upon. For example, understanding trigger points for anxiety, how does your anxiety look like, and most importantly how often does it occur. It is also pertinent to know about your reluctance to seek professional help. In case it is due to some pre-conceived notion or fear of being judged, then getting a better understanding of the process could help. Often we limit ourselves from attempting something that could potentially help due to some bias. You can get your reservations cleared before giving professional help a chance.

I am the middle child in my family living in Pune for the last 15 years. Two years ago, my elder brother moved out of the house for studies and last year my younger sister was put into boarding. Now, it's me at home with my parents and grandmother. The issue is they constantly keep using me as a buffer in their arguments, and also when a problem arises with my siblings. I don’t like being treated like that and feel like running away at times. What can I do?

It must be tough to be bearing the weight of the family members and not having any cushioning at the same time. Here, one of the important things is to narrate your feelings to your family of how they treat you, so that changes can be brought about. At times it just becomes easy to vent out for others when you are good at receiving and listening. But, since this is already testing your threshold, conveying your dislike could be helpful. If you share a close bond with your siblings then seek their help so that you don’t end up feeling singled out.

I am a 31-year-old woman who recently remarried after being widowed at the age of 24. I was previously married for six months and lost my husband in a car accident. The person I remarried is someone my family has known for years. He is a nice person, but somehow I haven’t been able to click with him. I don’t know much about him. I am confused all the time. I am sure there are no unresolved feelings from my past affecting this current relationship, and I wish to make this work. I just don’t know how.

A new relationship, such as marriage, often requires you to work gradually on learning things about each other. You mentioned that your previous marriage has no unresolved feelings cropping up in the present, which is an indicator of you wanting to move forward. In order to reduce the confusion and to understand your husband better, open up a communication channel with him. When you communicate your fears and confusions with him, it will help develop a better understanding between the two of you.

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