My husband has started chatting with women on Bumble and posing in front of other people’s cars to convince them that he is rich and ready to meet them at five star hotels. This is so humiliating? Should I try to have sex more often with him? Will he stay with me then? Please tell me a solution to this.
Bumble has transformed the quest for a compatible partner into a shopping-like experience. Similar to any shopping endeavour, there’s a sense of navigating through multiple choices and the stress and excitement that come with that type of choosing. The inclination to present photos that deviate from reality may arise from a desire to be perceived favourably as popular, affluent, and leading a great life. I understand that you’re feeling embarrassed and troubled by your husband’s behaviour. However, attempting to resolve this issue by amping up the sexual activity may not effectively address the underlying problems in your relationship. Considering couples counselling could be a positive step for both of you. Establishing a secure environment and a reliable framework for an open conversation with your husband about your concerns and the impact of his actions on your marriage is crucial and must not be ignored. It’s important to avoid turning the discussion into a contest of who gives in first and anticipating the worst-case scenario. Discussing boundaries, trust, and mutual respect is essential for all couples, whether or not their resolve or relationship feels tested. Couples therapy can offer a supportive setting for addressing these issues and collaboratively finding constructive solutions. Ultimately, the outcome depends on both partners’ willingness to talk about and navigate these challenges healthily and respectfully by filling in gaps and identifying pain points early on.
My colleague came to me during an office party and told me that he’s having inappropriate thoughts about me. I felt creeped out by him but later touched myself at night thinking about him. Later we hooked up and now he has started acting very formal with me at work. What do I do?
Both of you need to decide the nature of your relationship—are you interested in pursuing a full-fledged romance, or do you find these fleeting romantic encounters sufficient? When you mention feeling ‘creeped out’ by him, it suggests that his advances were unwelcome. However, the fact that you find yourself thinking about him at night implies that there may be an underlying attraction. It’s important to acknowledge and explore these feelings rather than dismissing them. What’s particularly salient is his open declaration of inappropriate thoughts. Was this simply playful and flirty banter, or is he hinting at a deeper romantic entanglement between the two of you? Only an honest conversation with him can provide clarity on this matter. By engaging in a physical relationship with him, you’ve already consented to sharing your body and emotions. His formality may stem from uncertainty about how to proceed, concerns about potential consequences in the workplace, or even fear of retribution for making advances. It’s essential to have an open dialogue about your desires and intentions to ensure that this situation doesn’t lead to further complications or emotional distress for either of you.
(Dr Aman Rajan Bhonsle, Ph.D, is a consulting relationship counsellor and youth mentor)
