What is feminism? It is all about fabricating a staunch belief in sterling equality. A feminist is someone who believes that equal opportunities should be provided to deserving candidates, irrespective of gender. Feminism was a product of the Civil Rights movement of the 1960s.
Unfortunately, in today's world, the true essence of feminism has become diluted. People often exhibit toxic traits in the name of feminism. This sort of thought process and behaviour permanently sabotage relationships. Such people are known as ‘Faux Feminists’ or ‘Femi-Nazi’.
A faux feminist is likely to lean towards women over men. They feel women deserve more respect than others and other genders are beneath them. They blame men for all injustices committed to women. In an ideal world, they would want the world to be ruled by women.
Often such behaviours can be attributed to the way a child is raised. Children raised in a strong patriarchal way are not likely to believe in the concept of women empowerment or feminism. Children who grow up in a matriarchal home are, on the other hand, likely to grow up with pseudo-feministic concepts. They are likely to be unbalanced in their approach and may become dominating and controlling in their behaviour, especially towards men.
Faux feminists thrive in the illusion of power and notoriety. They love to flaunt that they are better than others, especially men. They are quick to assert their dominance over men wherever they can. They make horrible bosses and terrible life partners. They rarely maintain deep, meaningful relationships.
How do we spot a faux feminist?
Following are some ways to identify them:
Tendency to control: To ascertain superiority over others, control is used as a tool by a faux feminist. A faux feminist will go to any extent to prove a point and to win arguments. They often become insensitive to others’ emotions and can easily make them feel inferior. They feel they are always right and can’t be proven otherwise.
A faux feminist can make life very difficult for people around them. Their obsession for control and deep desire to win every argument often results in damaged relationships and failed marriages. They are often inflexible and insecure within themselves. To mask their insecurities, they try to control situations and blame others for their shortcomings.
Blame game: A faux feminist is quick to point out the flaws of others and blame others. They are perpetually looking for people to blame. They feel that if only others would listen to them then they would be better off. If things go right, it is because of them and if things become worse it is because of others! This is at the very core of their belief system.
Changing the rules of the game: Faux feminists can set very high expectations from their partners and no matter how hard the partner tries; they would always feel that they are not good enough. The other strategy that pseudo feminists use is to put their partners down and maintain control by raising the bar or changing the rules of the game in life. Once again, the partner would feel inadequate and not good enough for the faux feminist.
Gender stereotyping: Pseudo feminists feel that “feminine” attributes are inferior to masculine ones and feel that men should always display masculine qualities. They tend to look down on men who are more in touch with their feminine side and perhaps are emotional and sensitive.
Faux feminists think women are better than men: They are forever trying to prove to themselves and the world that women are better than men. The truth is that neither men nor women are better than each other. This is a redundant argument and diminishes the furtherment of true equality through unnecessary comparisons.
Things are different for men and women: It is a scientific fact that men and women are neurologically different. They differ in their outlook, cognitive structure, habits and desires. It is important to note that men and women are built differently and it is not necessary to compare one with another.
They think men can never ‘fully’ understand a woman: Human beings have a masculine and a feminine side to their personality. There are many traits which we are all born with and some personality attributes we acquire as 'learnt behaviour' from watching our parents in childhood. A man doesn’t need to be born in a woman’s body to fully understand her life experiences. All it takes is sensitivity, empathy and interest to understand each other. Remember, men can be feminists too.
They get offended when men offer help to women: Offering to help is a noble human gesture. It should be practised freely without gender specification. It does not devalue or make a woman less empowered if a man happens to help a woman. Many highly accomplished women allow their male partners to take charge at home or at social events to feel cared for and feel pampered. This does not make them less of a woman!
Believing that breaking stereotypes is being a true feminist: Doing things that are ‘forbidden’ for women like drinking alcohol, cremating a body, being loud in public, abusing and breaking other social norms is being a real feminist. This is far from the truth. It is opposite to the ideology of feminism.
They believe everything has a sexist undertone: Certain natural differences between men and women exist in our society but it does not mean that society is prejudiced towards women. Not everything in society is designed to put women down or to show them their place. However, in certain cultures, this may be true and should be strongly condemned by true feminists irrespective of gender.
A ‘true feminist’ is a strong woman who does not react emotionally: Pseudo feminists see the outward expression of emotions as a sign of weakness. They rarely would show emotions in public or be viewed as being vulnerable. Faux feminists applaud the portrayal of exaggerated aggressive women in films and television. Characters that play the victim react in hypersensitive ways. Resulting in unhealthy role models that further instil their incorrect beliefs.
(The writer is a Psychotherapist and Founder of Mind Factory)
