If you’re not happy with your sex life, it can be hard to pinpoint the exact reason why. After all, sex is supposed to be fun, right? Several factors can affect your sexual satisfaction, and it might take some trial and error to figure out what’s not working for you. One of the most common complaints among women (and sometimes men too) is that they don’t get enough foreplay before intercourse. If you find yourself needing more time to get aroused, don’t be afraid to speak up and ask for more foreplay from your partner. Chances are, they’ll be happy to oblige.
Following are the five most common reasons and what you can do about them:
1. You’re not communicating with your partner: One of the most important aspects of a healthy sex life is communication - both with your partner and yourself. If you’re not communicating with your partner about what you want and need in bed, likely, you are not going to get it. Likewise, if you are not communicating with yourself about what turns you on, you are likely to find yourself feeling unfulfilled. The solution here is simple: Start communicating. Talk to your partner about what you like and don’t like, and experiment together until you find something that works for both of you.
Talk to yourself about what turns you on, and make sure to set aside some time for self-exploration. Many people feel shy or embarrassed to talk about sex, but it’s important to remember that your partner is probably just as curious about your likes and dislikes as you are about theirs. If you need some help getting the conversation started, read a book or watch a movie together that has some frank sexual content and use it as a springboard for discussion afterwards.
2. You’re not in the right headspace: It is a mental game as much as it is physical. If you are stressed, tired, or just not in the right headspace, it’s going to be difficult to get into the mood. Talk to your partner about what’s going on in your life and see if there’s anything they can do to help lighten your load. If not, set aside some time for relaxation before getting busy in the bedroom. Take a bath, read your favourite book, practice mindfulness or just take some deep breaths - whatever helps you relax and clear your mind.
3. You’re not physically comfortable: If your body isn’t comfortable, it’s going to be difficult to enjoy sex. Take care of yourself physically by eating well, exercising, and getting enough sleep. If you have any pain or other physical issues that are affecting your comfort levels, talk to your doctor about possible solutions. Don’t forget about birth control and other forms of protection — using them can help reduce stress and improve comfort levels for both partners.
4. You don’t feel connected to your partner: To enjoy sex, it’s important to feel connected to your partner - both emotionally and physically. If you are feeling disconnected from your partner for any reason, it’s going to be tough to get turned on. Spend some time bonding and see if there’s anything you can do to improve communication and connection in your relationship. If not, it may be time to reconsider whether this is the right relationship for you.
5. Your expectations are unrealistic: It’s important to have realistic expectations when it comes to sex. Even the happiest couples don’t always have earth-shattering orgasms every time they get busy between the sheets. Instead of focusing on achieving orgasm, try focusing on enjoying the physical sensations and intimacy with your partner. The more relaxed you are, the more likely you are to enjoy yourselves.
We all want to be happy with our sex life but sometimes things just don’t go the way we want them to. If you find yourself unhappy with your current situation, don’t despair. There are several reasons why you may not be satisfied with your sex life but there are also lots of ways to fix those problems. Just focus on enjoying yourself and let things happen naturally.
(Dr Chandni Tugnait, M.D. (Alternative Medicines), Psychotherapist, Life Coach, Business Coach, NLP Expert, Healer, Founder and Director — Gateway of Healing)
(To receive our E-paper on WhatsApp daily, please click here. To receive it on Telegram, please click here. We permit sharing of the paper's PDF on WhatsApp and other social media platforms.)