Unfair
I had a perfect family, but since the past few months my parents have been quarrelling and things never got better. In fact they are seeking for divorce now and I just do not know how to react, I am numb and everything seems to be falling down. They are asking me to choose between them; unknowingly crashing me. But I cannot because I am 13 years old and I need both of them. I feel very unfair and that leaves me mentally disturbed and I do not know who to reach out. I have not been sleeping since I have got the news. I need help.
Ans: Yes you are right about needing help you do and you must reach out immediately, you may slip into depression or have post stress trauma. It is unfair, however remember they both your parents’ love you and it’s fair enough that is they do not get along and wants to move on, by staying apart. If you empathise with them, it would be unjust to them as well to stay together and feel emotionally strained as they have to put up with their differences just so that you are happy having both the parents under one roof. It can be possible that they do not ever see eye to eye and will always have difference of opinion which will create conflicts at home, so bitter as it sounds but think about it, it might be for the best that they decide to separate their ways than drag you into witnessing their arguments every time. Choosing is not pleasant and that you can be assertive about to them that they rather arrange for something in a way that you get to spend equal time with both of them and that they should not compromise on your quality time. Try and be expressive about your feelings and gradually you may be more accepting of the situations.
Also Read: Personal problem-with Dr.Anjali Chhabria
Unhealthy means of weight loss
I was an overweight child and people always told me to lose weight. I am 18 years old now and from 90 kg I have become 65 kg. I was living away from family for my university and I figured out a way to lose weight. If I eat a lot and puke all my food out I feel much better. It made me feel lighter and now I have been forcing myself to puke after a meal for the past 8 months. The voices in my head tell me to do it and now when my family has seen me they are shocked. I know I should not tell them about the puking, but what do I do now?
Ans: It’s very good that you have lost weight and that you are feeling better about yourself, but this kind of method to lose weight is very dangerous. This is called an eating disorder, in order to get rid of your weight you have rather developed a bad habit that you will have to get rid off too. This is dangerous as it’s a very unhealthy way that your body is undergoing changes, without nutritional base and purging out causes bad acid reflux that can be harmful. It’s the lack of emotional well-being, that is bringing you down with the pressure of losing weight, you need to get the right kind of treatment with help of a good genuine support from your loved ones and hence for that you have to sit and share this with your parents. They might be judgemental at first but they love you and will eventually accept you with your limitations and so should you. Seek professional help if need be but you have to stop purging on purposes immediately. Give them a chance to be your support and with their love and care it will be all worked out.
Also Read: Mother-in-laws disinterest
I am a 22 year old woman and I have a friend who is very dominating. She has had quite a few boyfriends in the past who have all complained of the same. She claims it to be assertiveness and refuses to accept that a lot of times she over powers people and imposes her opinions on them. It is very difficult having a conversation with her especially if it is to clear out misunderstandings as she refuses to accept her part in the fight. She also likes to play the victim and I hate this behavior of hers. I don’t know whether I want to stay friends with her or not. She is loyal but that trait gets over powered by her other negative behaviors. Please advise me on what I can do to try and save our friendship one last time.
Ans: any relationship that drags you down instead of raising you is something you should think about. Especially relationship like friends which you have a choice in and you decide on the basis of how well the relationship is working for you. You definitely do not want to feel sabotaged in the whole act and have to put up with her tantrums. Talk to her and tell her the reason of why you want to distance yourself from her, not labeling her but stating her behavior that she can change if she equally respects and loves you. if she does she will come around and bring the change and if she doesn’t the lose is hers. But if you think you have fairly been patient with her and want her to realize that it take two to tango and her positive input in the friendship is important, then you must clear the air with a health communication with her.
