Anger management issues
Hi I am 25 years old girl working since 3 years and live in a nuclear family. I usually don’t get angry with people. But I am beginning to see that I might have anger issues. But is it an anger issue even if it happens sometimes and not most of the time? Because when I do get angry with someone, I get out of limit and then that’s it. I just cannot look at the person the same way. I think I may have lost good people around me for that. So I think it’s time I start to do something about it else I will be left alone. Please advice.
Hello. Yes, it sounds like you have difficulty maintaining your composure and tend to lose your temper beyond control at times. It is possible that you try and suppress your feelings of anger until you cannot keep it to yourself anymore. So eventually, you lash out. Your burst of anger may be due to pent up frustration. It is also possible that there are some things which are ‘absolutely not acceptable to you’ and you have ‘no tolerance’ for it. Thus, your reaction is magnified in such circumstances. Also, it seems that you have difficulty forgiving a person you are upset with. This could be because your expectations are not met and you end up being disappointed with the person. Thus, it may be that the only solution you find in this situation is ‘never talk to that person again’. It is good that you wish work on your anger. It is important that you try and look at the ‘whole picture’ and not only pay attention to the part which makes you uncomfortable. For example, you may be upset with a person as he or she did something you did not like, however, does it mean you need to react so much or that you cannot accept it. Also, it may not be happening everytime and there are things that the same person does which you like. Thus, it is okay to have differences or disagreements at times. It may not be as personal as you may be taking it to be. Try to look at it only as a part of or side to a person and then focus on the other good parts of the person as well. Also, you can take some time to think before reacting. For example, take a breather for a few minutes and calm yourself down before you talk to the person. As a result, you are likely to have a healthy discussion or conversation about the issue.
I am a 24 year old man and I have been working at a marketing firm for the past 7 years. Recently I got promoted to the position of manager of a division. However due to office politics and everybody trying for the top position, there is a lot of negativity surrounding me and everybody playing games and spreading rumours about me due to which I have been given a warning by my superiors who doubt my capabilities. I feel I am an under confident person and people have always been taking advantage of me. I am tired of always being sidetracked and my achievements not being appreciated. Please tell me what to do.
Hi. It seems that you are not able to enjoy your promotion due to workplace politics and gossip. You may be a co-operative person but also passive or submissive in situations which require you to stand up for yourself. It is possible that you need to become assertive so that you are able to speak your mind without much hesitation and correct the false notions about you with others. Sometimes people tend to put you down due to their insecurities or unintentionally. You can try and confront others when you think it has surpassed a line. It is also important that your superiors know the facts, so try and have a chat with them about it. Your promotion implies that you have been good at your work and that you capable of handling more responsibilities. This has been recognized by your company. However, when people make fun or pass nasty comments about you, it is essential that you humor it and try and respond smartly. When you stay quiet, others probably get the impression that it is okay to do so. Try to develop a good rapport with others and try not to falter in saying ‘no’ to others or in telling them at times that ‘their comment or behavior was not appreciated by you’. Also, it is important that you are careful in your words and tone and do not make things personal. Take it one step at a time and you can start off being assertive with people with it will be easier than others. Also, try and remember that such negativity tends to be a part of any office and you need to work your way around it i.e. be tolerant of it. At the same time, continue to be assertive and also diplomatic in tricky situations.