Agony Aunt helps you to deal with relationship problems

Longing for family love
I have been married for past 26 years and have 2 children. I have recently started to feel quite dejected as my husband got to establish relationship with the kids while they were growing up, as well as my in laws got to interact a lot with the kids as they helped in raising them. I feel cheated with time as I couldn’t establish stronger bonds with either of them due to being busy with responsibilities. I don’t want to feel this way.

If source of dejection is examined, most of your duties have now been fulfilled and detaching yourself  from the roles is somewhere maybe difficult for you. Your efforts in the here-and-now and how you wish to take them further would be a beneficial step. A progressive outlook towards this situation rather than contemplation, would help in alleviating the feeling of being lost and lonely.

The shy guy
I am 27-year-old boy, was working well until I was put on a team with a woman team leader. I have serious issues in maintaining conversations with women in general and recently I made a fool of myself while presenting a plan to my team leader and have become the laughing stock. I don’t know how to interact with women without being

: I understand that not being able to communicate easily with others might be quite difficult on daily basis. You could seek regular behavioural therapy, which might  help in reducing the anxiety and learn techniques to help you work with opposite gender as well.

Gambling addiction
I began gambling at the age of 17 and it has gotten bad since then. I resorted to stealing money from home, to selling valuables and now recently have sex for money as well. My parents are quite upset with my attitude as they don’t know about my addiction, and I wish to change. Can I be helped?

Ans: The incessant need to satisfy the urge to gamble suggests presence of addiction towards gambling which would require a stringent therapeutic plan of action. Since there is realisation and willingness there are higher chances that you would respond to therapy as well. Speaking to your parents about this and coming clean could be step forward that would help in seeking professional support along with family support.

Disturbing disorder

I am a bipolar patient and have been stable with the help of medications for quite a long time. Since I turned 29 my parents decided to get me married but I have been rejected after the family knew about bipolar. I am devastated and suicidal. I don’t want to become worse again. Please help.

I understand that the impact of bipolar has been detrimental so far and this incident has affected you a lot. Speaking to your therapist about the negative thoughts could be a start to not letting the situation become worse. It is essential to focus on how to move out of this situation than letting the thoughts make it difficult for you.

Breach of privacy
My roommate’s parents are conservative and belong to a strict code of conduct. They are forcing her to set up security cameras in the house as they suspect her having boys over at the house. This is bordering on invading our privacy as I have male friends who come over as well. She pays major share of rent and it is not possible to shift house in the middle of my college year. What can I do?

The expectation from your roommate’s parents is  extreme as it concerns you as well. Even though you pay less rent as compared to her, the flat still belongs to someone else hence you can take it up to the landlord and ask him to intervene as without his consent nothing can be determined. Also speak to your roommate about her willingness to do so. You can also ask your parents to intervene and speak to the roommate’s parents as they can explain them from a parent’s perspective.

Matter of responsibility 

My brother and I are 14 months apart. Family practically makes it a point to express that difference between us time and again. I am the older one. The family runs a business for years now and expects me to be a part of it soon. I will finish my college this year and have no intention of joining the business. Few months ago, I spoke to my dad about this as a passing comment and got to hear that I can’t think that well about my future as an older brother it is my responsibility to set an example for my younger brother. If I skirt away from my responsibilities it will reflect badly on my image. I don’t understand this logic at all and we end up fighting over this. What should I do?

Ans: Since you and your younger brother are not that apart in your age, having a conversation with him over the business plans might help than directly approaching your father in a rebellious manner. Understand whether your brother is interested in the business or not, if he is then probably providing him with guidance (if needed) rather  than involving yourself completely. In case even he refuses to join the business, both of you can hold a family discussion and give your father a concrete plan of what you would wish to do in place of joining the company. When  he sees the concreteness in your ideas, it would become easier to translate the confidence than him being unsure about your future. It will help settle his concern over what would you do in terms of achievement if not business.

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