Agony Aunt helps you to deal with relationship problems

Social anxiety

I am a 19-year-old girl. I am asocial, but still I’m trying to make an effort to get out and make friends but I’m too scared that I will embarrass myself and that in turn makes me even more asocial. My dad also adds to this because he doesn’t allow me to go out. How do I get over my fear of meeting new people?

Ans: The anxiety is acting as a vicious cycle for you and the only way to break it is to start with the behaviour contrary to the anxious thoughts. the fear could be overcome when the efforts are put in the right direction without having the expectation that things might not work out. explain your father as well about your social anxiety so that he is aware of your struggle and could be more empathetic towards you. You could start with gradually making conversations and then moving further from there.

Overcoming frustration

I am a personal trainer with a gym for the past three years. Last week, while doing my regular workout, the weights slipped from my hand and landed on my foot. I didn’t consider going to the doctor for a week despite the pain. After a point when pain was unbearable, I had to visit the doctor and he told me that two of my toes of the left foot are fractured and would need to be treated. I have been advised not to put any pressure on my foot and rest till it heals completely. I am getting frustrated as I am unable to work and this is also causing me loss of money. What can I do to overcome this frustration?

Ans: I can understand where the frustration is stemming from: inability to be active and loss of monetary gain. The injury is something which needs to be treated with care because if you wish to speed up the healing process, it might resemble a half-baked cake. The time that you are considering to be a waste could be utilised in doing something which you had put on hold for quite some time. you could indulge in your hobbies which aren’t too strenuous for your foot. It is essential to channelise this frustration into something of your interest as sitting and ruminating about the injury and how unfortunate it is may not be beneficial to your overall wellbeing.

Aftermath of breakup

I broke up with my boyfriend last week over a trivial issue. He didn’t answer my call on time. I have been trying to apologise to him since then but to no avail. He said I do this quite often and that he is fed up. I reflected a lot on my behaviour and have realised that I tend to go back and forth in relationships. I have still not understood that whether it is my personality or whether there is something deep rooted. How do I find about this?

Ans: The underlying problem about going back and forth in relationships especially the romantic ones could stem from multiple sources. It is essential to understand the interplay of various factors that lead to such a behaviour. Visiting a professional could be a start to the process of knowing yourself better. Therapy would facilitate in answering your questions as well. It also teaches you ways to cope when faced with similar situations that evoke certain negative emotions.

Health concerns

I am studying away from home for the past three years. Initially, my parents could support me completely in terms of finances but this year onwards they are finding it difficult to send in more money. The college food isn’t that good and I always fall ill so I have been eating food from a nearby place that supplies home cooked food. Now with limited money, I can’t seem to afford the tiffin service. I have to rely on junk food which is cheap, but not healthy. I can’t afford to fall ill as this is a crucial year. What do you suggest I do?

Ans: You have mentioned that college food isn’t that good, so if you could find few other students who are also finding the food as an issue, you can suggest them about this food service and call for food in bulk which could be cheaper. You could also speak to the food service people and request for a concessional rate. In order to eat healthy, you can also opt cooking your own meals if the facility is provided at the college.

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