Agony Aunt helps you to deal with relationship problems

Splurging on travelling

I am 30 years old and I have an addiction to travelling. I spend most of my earned money on this and I don’t have any regrets. My family, however, thinks that I should plan ahead and try to reduce my travelling. I obviously disagree with them but I do think that I should save some instead of spending it all on travelling. But this is very difficult for me to do as I am very passionate and I have this urge where I just need to get out of the city and explore. My family keeps pestering me about this everyday especially my parents and we keep having fights regarding this issue. I understand that travelling is expensive but I try and do my best to make ends meet. Please help me strike a balance between my parents’ demands and my needs.

Ans:  Too much of anything is bad, and by the end of this query you have actually answered your own question, probably you are in denial to accept the fact that what you indeed need is a balance. Any passion is meant to be pursed as a secondary element of life, and when is becomes a primary source of expenditure it will cause an imbalance, so in other words, you either make your passion as a foundation for living like building a career in the same or you treat it as lesser important aspect of your living. Any hobbies demands certain investment and that is the truth, whether it is music or art or even reading, however your leisure pursuit is an expensive one but something that is as elaborate as your trip can be wisely planned and can be chased and enjoyed as per your desires with a careful attention. There are many cheaper option these days and easy travel methods too, and if you keep your trips budgeted you can probably go around managing them better.  Another way out is that you become a member of some travelling club where you get discounts and cheaper rates and create a group with like-minded people, either ways you will have to learn to work your ways to fulfil your desires.

Pining for ex

I recently had a divorce two months back. We decided mutually to get separated and the process went swiftly. For the past two day, however, I have observed that there have been disturbances in my sleep, I wake up in between the night and then I am not able to sleep and I assume due to that I tend to forget pending tasks that has to be completed the next day. I am confused whether sleep is the cause behind forgetting or the divorce. I am facing a lot of difficulty in my personal life as well as at work because there were important tasks to be done and I completely forgot. I am facing serious repercussion due to that. Also when we got divorced, I thought I will move on but I think a lot about her throughout the day and I resist myself into calling her. What else should I do?

Ans: It seems like you were not ready for this separation as you still seem to have feelings for your ex-wife, and you aren’t able to move on. Whatever is the reason for the divorce, the important thing is that there will be some after thoughts that will keep lingering in your mind as defences, for instance you may keep thinking as to what you could have done to save the relationship, or what was role in the whole misunderstanding, or even worst is if you start getting into self blaming act. You have to sort what your mind of these trailing negative thoughts as they will bring you down if you let them hover around you and to do that you can either talk to someone very close to you like a common friend who can guiding you without being judgmental or seek professional help wherein a counsellor will help you to rationalize these thoughts and collect yourself together to get and start taking charge of your life situation.

Feeling unsafe

I am a working woman and I live here in Mumbai in a rented flat. I like to live with my own space so instead of sharing an apartment, I chose to stay in a one BHK flat alone. The landlord of the flat is a friend of a distant relative and so it was easy to get a place in a crowded city like Mumbai. However for the past two months, his visit to the flat has been increased a lot and that is creating a disturbance in my routine. He visits my place without prior information so I have started feeling unsafe now. I cannot let my parents know about this because they will have unnecessary stress and I can’t afford to shift either. What should I do?

Ans: This is a very unsafe situation that you are experiencing, as you are probably playing with fire right now, it is best that you opt for your safety and take the necessary step towards your security at the soonest. Do not hesitate sharing this with someone who is your guardian if not your parents, but it is mandatory that some is aware of your situation to help you out. Also ask someone like a friend or a relative to come and stay with you for a while, as it is better to exploit your personal space for sometime rather than getting yourself in danger.  Also be very assertive to this man of your feelings and the discontentment you feel in his presence. If you think that things are going out of hand, keep an option of moving out and look for a better safe place which may be in an area where you aren’t feeling at risk.

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