Ambitions affecting relationship
I love my boyfriend too much and he is very sweet, we are dating each other since three years now and it’s a very good healthy relationship we share, however he is not very ambitious. I have been in a relationship for 3 years now and I really love my boyfriend. He is very sweet and we have a healthy, communicative relationship. My parents have always encouraged me in terms of education, career and work. I as a person am also very ambitious and like to work. I have goals and fulfilling them brings me a lot of happiness. The only problem with my boyfriend is that he isn’t focused and goal driven. He does not make any effort at work to do better and get a promotion. On some level, that bothers me as it becomes embarrassing that I am climbing the ladder and he is happy drifting along. Please help me as I don’t know how to communicate my feelings to him in a way that will have an effect on him. We have fought over this topic also often.
Ans: You seem to be very content with your relationship and it looks like he really loves you. This means he would possibly be very emotionally involved with you and if you try to express your unhappiness with regards to his passive efforts of making his career he may feel bad and understand it is important for you that he is productive and has his own achievements in order for you to respect him as a reliable person. Be non-judgmental and try to explain to him that besides love which is immense in your relationship there are other factors that plays a role to keep the feelings mutual. If he has goals and passions in life to achieve not only will he gain confidence but also there will be a sense of security between you’ll and your parents will be happy for your choice companionship too. Be his motivation; help him formulate his ambition and also the path which will lead him to his desires. Push him to gain his worth but don’t be a nag, once he acquires a sense of achievement he will become aspiring himself.
Also Read: Agony Aunt deals with problems in personal relationships
Termite Phobia
Last year my house had developed too many white termites. It was a horrible scene as I took a whole month to get completely rid of them and they had caused a lot of damage and it was too tiring to cope with. Now, I’m petrified of any pest in the house and feel like I’m getting paranoid, causing me to constantly check things. I feel like the termites are crawling on my body and it makes me feel very creepy. I feel like they will come back and we will get an infection due to them. I keep cleaning and looking everywhere for any sign of termites. I have bought a lot of sprays just in case of a future problem. I spend the entire day thinking about termite infestation. Please help me.
Ans: What it seems like is that you have developed a phobia that is causing anxiety. It is called isopterophobia, which is a phobic reaction to any sort of insects. You may feel that these insect are causing terrors and probably even have delusion that they are causing some sort of infection, which is not true as termites are not infectious. This is an unusual but a factual condition and you need to seek help for the same. Meet a psychologist and first screen out your fears and the levels to which it is bothering you, depending on the same you will need a treatment probably in form of counselling or even pharmacotherapy. Be patient as in phobias or paranoiac reaction a person can get aggressive and can cause hyper reaction that may affect your relationship, so accept help from your loved ones as they wish the best for you, a good support system will be very good help to you.
Read More : Agony Aunt on how to deal personal individual problems
Overprotective parents
I am a 14 year old girl and I have a younger brother. My all girls’ school is taking us on a trip to Darjeeling. I really want to go but, my parents are apprehensive to send me. They send my younger brother on school trips but refuse to send me and this is a trip I really want to go on. They have sent me on a trip with my brother’s co-ed school but now I want to go with my friends. They don’t understand that the trip will be safe and we will have teachers and supervision all the time. All my friends have gone on school trips together and have enjoyed so much. I wish they would let go off the reins a little and let me enjoy with my friends.
Ans: Your parents have an irrational fear about you and that’s their loving concern, so as silly as it may sound, you must understand that all they are looking for is a confident feeling in sending you all by yourself and that you will be well looked after. The only reason they would insist that you accompany your brother is so that he could look after you, you just need to assure them that in the school trip your teachers and friends can do the same and that you are old enough to look after yourself too. Be assertive of how you feel if they do not trust you with your self care, and think of all the ways that will assure them like probably talking to the teachers or your friends parents that will help them gain that positive feeling in sending you. be patient and reasonable with them, make them feel comfortable in sending you on this trip.
