Daughter’s shrinking self-esteem
My daughter (12 years old) is physically handicapped, but mentally perfect. However, she is finding it difficult to make friends and this has lowered her self-esteem to another level. She has no confidence anymore and fears going to school as she believes that everyone makes fun of her and no one support her. She is always quiet and to herself and does not interact with members in the family. She prefers sitting in her room and does not do anything all day. I am worried about her as I do not want her physical dependency to become her weakness. How do I motivate her? I want her to lead a normal life.
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Ans: What she needs is partnering in her everyday activities, beside you as you still become the parent. Try to encourage her to approach people, probably she is too cautious, while other may not mind, but they might not approach her as they may not feel the need to be friends with her, while they have already formed groups. It is her need so she must extend a friendly hand, you can help her with that by asking her to invite few friends home for a meal or play time. You can also speak to her teacher who can arrange for some group work and this way she can be in a group to interact with others. You can also provide her with such support by either appointing a shadow teacher for her in school, who can encourage her and guide her with her studies, so once she starts having that confidence with her studies and interests in being in class she can increase her chances of being with other students. At the same time you can also help her with some counselling sessions with a professional psychologist or a life coach, who can help her develop her self confidence and build a sense of meaning to life that, will motivate her and give her purpose for everyday and do not feel the lack of social activity.
Need more
I am a 22 year old working girl. I have a cousin sister who is older than me by a year. She has always been the star of the family. She is extremely talented, has studied abroad, has her own business, she is kind and caring and just perfect. Nobody in our family has ever compared us, but I cannot help but do so. I always feel like I am lacking and cannot keep up with her successes. She is very enthusiastic to try new things and is a go-getter, while, I on the other hand, have not pursued any of my talents. I have a career that I really like, but I feel like that it not enough. Please help me.
Ans: If you are comparing yourself to her, why not with a celebrity, why not superman too, if you decide to put yourself in a position where you will only experience negative feeling instead of motivation, well you are to be blamed. If you are very much aware of what is the cause of the problem, it is your responsibility to eliminate it out of your life so that you can feel content and confident of yourself. Stop comparing yourself with others even if she is your own sister or cousin, if you compete with her you may only achieve what she has while you may have more potentials than her and also probably in different fields than her. You are in turn restricting yourself to your cousin’s attributions, while you may have much more. Compete with yourself, your own goals; this will help you to climb up the ladder acquiring more than what you have already have reached. Identify your own strengths and dwell on those, plan you short term goals that will give you a sense of accomplishment, accept yourself for what you are and if your happy with yourself, you can expect the same from others.
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Managing anger
I am a 37 year old married man with children. I have been happily married for 9 years now. In recent times, my anger has got the best of me and I have lost control. On one recent incident of my angry outburst, I ended up punching the wall and hurt myself. Now, my children are scared of me and my wife walks on eggshells around me not wanting to provoke me. I am scared that one day I may raise my hand on my wife or children. How do I control my anger? Please help me.
Ans: What have got you to start thinking about your anger is that your loved ones have began to dislike you ad nobody likes to be disliked especially their loved ones. This is a good motivation to bring in the change in your temperament, as this is not only harmful for others but also for your health too. You can seek help by treating yourself with anger management, work on the anger and the causing reason for your anger. You need to take the required step to change your attitude in order to stay calm and not lose your cool. Anger is not a mere emotion that causes problem but also the behavior or the reaction to your anger that become a threatening issue. It doesn’t mean that you become submissive, but all you require is to be assertive. Verbalize in a calm firm manner of your disapproval or the thing that is making you feel anger, this will let other know what gets you anger and your loved ones will respect that and eventually understand that this is something how you like things to be. You can achieve what you want without intimidating them and they will love you for who you are and obey you not because they are afraid of you but because the love and respect you, which has to be mutual on both ends.
