Dr Anjali Chhabria answers queries related to problems in personal lives like sibling rivalry, study pressure, getting married
Sibling rivalry
I have 2 sons, one is 17 years and the other is 14 years old. They were brothers who always stood by each other and had fun fights. They shared a beautiful relationship and all my friends wished that their kids shared the relationship that my boys had. However, over the past few days I have been sensing tension amongst the two of them. They do not look at each other in the eye and they give each other the cold shoulder. I am worried about them, but both of them are not willing to talk to my husband or me about it. We are worried, how do we go about it?
Ans: The boys need to sort their differences, with your help or without that is something you can take a call depending on the depth of the situation and the way the family always reacted in troubled times. If you want to get involved you can probably individually speak to them of what is bothering them taking each one in to confidence and sharing your concerns about their tiff with them. Or you can just confront them as a family unit and just ask them to apologies to each other and move on, explaining nothing can be left unresolved. If you wish to leave it up to them then just get them together and express how you feel about them fighting but then leave it saying you trust them that they will handle the situation. This will make them realize that their behaviour if affecting you’ll as a family as well as that you expect them to resolve and move on.
Study pressure
I had taken Science for my 12th as I thought that by doing so I am keeping my options open. However, I did not do too well and secured a relatively low percentage. My relatives did tell me not to take Science as they knew I would not be able to cope up, but I did not listen to anybody. I am now stuck as I want to shift to Commerce because I clearly cannot handle Science, but the cut offs are too high and no college is willing to admit me. On the other hand, my family is not supporting me and they continuously taunt me as now they believe I have ruined my own life. I am lost and now I do not have an incentive to live. Please help me.
Ans: As you finish your school and move to higher education, you are expected to be little more independent and that involves you going in for the course of your choice. If you make a decision need not mean, that it will definitely work in your favour, it may not. What’s important is how you get out of this situation and allow the change to take place so that you learn from your mistakes and move on. If you have done something that didn’t work for you, your loved ones will surely be worried for you, and thus their taunting can be the way to suggest you of how worried they are about you. Sit across a table a talk to them about your career path, be patient and hear them out calmly even if they sound upset and blame you. Their help will be a great support system for you till you finish education. You have two option then either repeat your science if you really think that you want to pursue a field in science or then take up a correspondence course in commerce, and un till you make your decision make sure you settle things at home front too.
Also Read: Agony Aunt deals with problems in personal relationships
Tying the knot
I was dating someone for 3 years and I really loved her. She was from a different religion and so I was too scared to tell my parents about her. So, I ended the relationship myself and tried to distance myself from her without giving her a valid reason. It has been 6 months since I met her last and there hasn’t been a single day when I haven’t thought about her. However, my parents have found a girl for me and now they want me to marry her. I did meet the girl once, but I know I cannot love her as my previous girlfriend is still in my mind and heart. Should I tell my parents or just go ahead with this arranged marriage? As they always say that arranged marriages end up working fine and as it is my ex- girlfriend did not try to contact me again.
Ans: Your mind seems to be all over the place. What you need is to calm down and think what you want, as you seems to be juggling between the things you want to do and the things you are suppose to do. You are suppose to be a good son obeying your parents so you want to go in for arranged marriage where as you still ant forget your ex-girlfriend and really want to be with her. People usually stay happy if they follow their heart and do what they want to, meaning you should first try and find out whether you girlfriend, does she still wants to be with you, if yes then you need to inform your parents as they will see that you have made up your mind and thus its best to let you’ll be happy together, and if your girlfriend denies then you still need to rethink your decision to marry this new girl. If you do not love her and, if you are only making a hopeful compromise, things in future might work out, but in the bargain you are risking lives with this apparent marriage.
