True intimacy emerges when someone understands us

True intimacy emerges when someone understands us

The hallmark of true intimacy lies in an undying and untiring curiosity about the other person’s interior life

Somi DasUpdated: Saturday, July 15, 2023, 08:10 PM IST
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In our quest for connection and fulfillment, we often encounter individuals who captivate us with their sophistication, good looks, and refined tastes. Their presence adds an aesthetic dimension to our lives, turning ordinary moments into celebrations and infusing taste and drama into the mundane. It’s undeniably alluring to have firsthand access to their unique gifts and talents.

However, it’s crucial to discern between the allure of aesthetics and the depth of intimacy. While aesthetically pleasing individuals may contribute to the external facets of our lives, true intimacy delves into a deeper layer of connection. It goes beyond surface-level appearances and enters the realm of understanding, vulnerability, and unwavering support.

Author Alex Morritt once said, “Intimacy is not purely physical. It’s the act of connecting with someone so deeply, you feel like you can see into their soul.” True intimacy emerges when we find someone who understands us on a profound level, who sees past the external trappings and embraces our vulnerabilities and dreams. It’s about having a companion who stands by us through life’s ups and downs, offering genuine support and companionship.

While aesthetics can make for an exciting social circle, they can sometimes distract us from the essence of meaningful relationships. We may be drawn to the glamour and excitement that these individuals bring, but it’s important to ensure that our connections go beyond the surface. Superficial relationships may leave us feeling hollow and unfulfilled, as we crave the depth and understanding that only true intimacy can provide.

Building genuine connections requires a discerning eye. It means looking beyond appearances and seeking those who value us for who we truly are.

The hallmark of true intimacy lies in an undying and untiring curiosity about the other person’s interior life. It goes beyond mere physical appearances and delves into how they perceive and experience the world around them. True intimacy involves a genuine fascination with their thoughts, feelings, and perspectives... A willingness to marvel at the uniqueness of their individuality.

We listen attentively, not just to their words but also to the emotions and nuances behind them. We ask questions that go beyond small talk, delving into deeper conversations that uncover their passions, values, and beliefs.

Author Anaïs Nin once said, “I want to hear your thoughts, understand your fears, and embrace your insecurities. I want to marvel at the way you perceive the world because it is through your eyes that I learn to see the beauty in everything.” This quote encapsulates the essence of true intimacy — a desire to connect on a profound level, to embrace and celebrate the unique perspective that each person brings.

Curiosity in intimacy also means being present in the moment and truly seeing the other person. It means paying attention to their subtle gestures, expressions, and body language, which can offer valuable insights into their emotions and inner state. It involves creating a safe space where they feel comfortable expressing themselves authentically, knowing that their thoughts and feelings are valued and respected.

Marcel Proust, the French novelist, once wrote, “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” True intimacy allows us to see the world through the eyes of another, broadening our own perspective and enriching our own understanding of life. It opens us up to new ideas, challenges our preconceptions, and fosters growth and personal development.

In a world that often values external appearances and shallow connections, embracing curiosity as a cornerstone of intimacy is a powerful way to forge deep and meaningful relationships. It requires us to be open-minded, empathetic, and genuinely interested in the experiences of others. It calls us to approach each interaction with a sense of wonder, as if encountering a unique universe waiting to be explored.

(The writer is a mental health and behavioural sciences columnist, conducts art therapy workshops and provides personality development sessions for young adults. She can be found @the_millennial_pilgrim on Instagram and Twitter)

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