Cheating is the other side of monogamous marriages or partnerships. Some people are not inherently capable of remaining faithful to their spouse for their entire life. Society does not accept disloyalty, more so, if it is committed by a woman, thereby making it an act of guilt and condemnation. It’s not that their cravings and curiosity have changed today. But, it’s a sense of feeling entitled and not deprive themselves of their sensuous whims.
Sybil Shiddell, country manager, Gleeden India, the extramarital dating app managed by women, says; “Having a higher percentage of male subscribers is common in the dating industry because men are usually more relaxed than women when it comes to putting themselves out there. Having a 30% of active female subscribers means that infidelity is no longer something that relates mostly to men.”
Change in perspective
Extramarital flings are not what they used to be for the simple reason that matrimony is not what it used to be. Years ago, women sought financial security and social acceptance in marriage. Education, economic independence and the contemporary mindset have emboldened married women.
Delhi-based psychiatrist Sarika Tripathi says, “Today, women want to have their cake and eat it too. Keeping intact the anticipations of a traditional family life replete with support, respectability and off-springs, they want variety in bed.” She comes across clients who claim to be happy and in love with their husbands, but say: “But I am in an extramarital relationship.”
Bangalore, Mumbai and Kolkata top the list where extramarital flings among women is more. Meeting people is not easy anymore.
Online dating is safer and easier
It was too late before 31-year-old Madhabi, a married woman with a four-year-old son, from Bengaluru discovered her lesbian side. She derives pleasure in chatting with women online through OKCupid app which allows people of all orientations. “I enrolled on OKC. I am having a sizzling online affair with a woman and I am just loving it. Yes, I am cheating on my husband!”
Take the case of 37-year-old GloomyEyes01 from Delhi who has been married for eight years. “I have always been faithful. Until now. Boredom seemed to settle in our conjugal life. I wanted to know if I was still able to conquer a man. I subscribed to Gleeden and almost immediately I got requests from lots of men very different from one another. I met a few. I feel beautiful, seductive and powerful,” she says.
Connecting and bonding
The otherwise useful Internet can create a rift between committed partners. It helps to stay in touch with ex-flames or guys they are aware they could link with amorously.
Nikitaa08, 34, from Hyderabad, says she was facing problems in her married life, that led to emotional and mental stress. She registered on QuackQuack, an online dating site. “I desperately needed a companion. Through QuackQuack I got a chance to interact with multiple users. I bonded quite well with a married man and we are enjoying each other’s virtual companionship now,” she says.
Dating pattern
Women hardly make the first move in India, rather they prefer to be contacted and then like to decide whether to answer it or not. Bumble is a dating app where women are empowered to make the first move, boosting confidence of the egalitarianist. And if they are intrigued, they tend to carry on conversations for longer duration than men.
Shiddell points out they are also quick to blacklist any undesired profile, unlike men.
Open relationships
The response to infidelity is varied — either condemned severely, reconciled with, empathised with or met with utter curiosity. Bad or good marriages, cheating takes place in both.
It is common even in live-ins where open relationship is carefully discussed in advance. Nevertheless, when betrayal occurs, it incites spiky queries: Should you continue with the relationship? Can you restore trust? Should you move on?
Ravi Mittal, founder and CEO of QuackQuack, explains, “Infidelity is a result of an underlying relationship issue or being attracted to someone outside a relationship. As humans we make mistakes and that is a part of being human, there’s no right or wrong. The choice lies between staying and repairing a relationship versus moving on. Acceptance for infidelity is gaining in urban population as this is becoming common and openly discussed. However, Indian society is quite far away from coming to terms with acceptance.”
The missing link
Most of the times, educated and financially independent married women find on Gleeden what is missing in their daily lives, says Shiddell.
“It could be excitement, seduction, attention and listening. It could be companionship or complicity, so as that feeling of doing something illicit and transgressive spices up their otherwise plain routine,” says Shiddell.
Online dating doesn’t have to necessarily lead to a physical encounter. Probably the reason why many opt for it. Yet, it can offer the thrill without completely exposing to the risks and consequences of a real-life affair.
