A paying guest in our ancestral home started making a pass at me and one day she came into my room and we had great sex. She’s been acting normal with me as if nothing has happened. What if my mom finds out? Help me please.
What occurred between you and the paying guest may be seen by some as a breach of trust and boundaries. If you wish to take responsibility for your actions and considering the potential consequences, you may wish to lead with honesty rather than covering things up with a lie. If your mother is collecting rent from the paying guest, her presence in the house has a stake for your mother’s safety and well-being. If the paying guest becomes disgruntled due to the relationship between you not reaching some kind of final goal, how would that augur for her dynamic with your mother who lives in the same house as her? What if the paying guest's closeness to you has something to do with an agenda to save on rent? Before such complicated situations ensue, one must learn to consider the potential impact of one's choices on everyone involved. If you believe your mother can handle the truth, you can approach the conversation with humility, expressing remorse for your actions and acknowledging the importance of such episodes not repeating. Alternatively, seeking guidance from a trusted confidant or counsellor could offer valuable insight through the impartial advice and support they offer. Unpredictability and bad news affect everyone differently. Regardless of the course of action, reflecting on the circumstances that led to this situation and committing to respecting boundaries and exercising better judgment in the future is crucial. Learning from mistakes is an integral part of personal growth and development.
When I was lying down near my sister who was visiting us, my brother-in-law kept acting very possessive about her. He called me gay jokingly and even tried kissing me to mock me. I feel like less of a man. No woman loves me. What should I do?
You can address your brother-in-law's mocking attempts to kiss you by firmly expressing your discomfort with it. Perhaps this behaviour is his way of annoying you or subtly indicating his discomfort with you sharing a bed with your sister. Such actions may stem from cultural differences and insecurities often magnified in situations involving gender dynamics and family relations. However, being called gay does not determine your sexual orientation. I recall instances from fifth grade when children used animal names to insult each other, but none of those instances led anyone to abandon their lives and move to the jungle. Words spoken should not be equated with truth. If you feel a sense of diminished masculinity, it's crucial to explore these feelings, as self-assessment and doubts are more likely to cause harm than external judgments. The notion of lacking romantic interest from women should be supported by empirical evidence. Individuals naturally gravitate towards those who understand them and, at the very least, do not disrupt their sense of comfort. This inclination has less to do with gender and more to do with the universal human desire to feel valued and appreciated by others. If your sister is comfortable lying down next to you, it suggests she, at the very least, tolerates your presence. Seeking love means finding those who share your values to journey through life with. Ignore the old noise and embrace new encounters for exciting possibilities ahead.
(Dr Aman Rajan Bhonsle, Ph.D, is a consulting relationship counsellor and youth mentor)
