Facing Intimacy Problems And Marital Discords? Expert Solves Issues

Facing Intimacy Problems And Marital Discords? Expert Solves Issues

Dr Aman Rajan BhonsleUpdated: Friday, January 12, 2024, 10:39 PM IST
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I like having sex with the lights on but my girlfriend always asks me to turn the lights off. I don’t know what is the right way to do it. What should we do it?

If the solution becomes one where either of you is unhappy, that can be termed a shaky compromise at best. Finding a comfortable middle ground for intimate moments is crucial in any relationship. Speaking unhesitatingly with each other is the key to addressing this difference in preference. There is no good way or bad way to go about it. If your girlfriend has specific reasons for wanting the lights off, such as shyness or insecurity, acknowledging and addressing those concerns can contribute to a more harmonious and enjoyable intimate connection. While discussing your feelings and desires, make sure not to come across as condescending or forceful. Listen to her with care and attention. Perhaps you can consider reaching a middle ground by using dim or softer lighting that creates a more relaxed and intimate vibe? Examine this possibility with her. Experiment with different levels of lighting to find an atmospheric sweet spot that promises to enhance the experience for both of you. Relationships where the core tenets of mutual respect and comfort are not paid attention to become painful and unsustainable. Sexual activity is the culmination of love and curiosity, and for it to feel fresh and enhanced routinely, it needs to be looked into, and partners need to rise to the challenge of keeping things cordial, exciting, and mutually respectful.

My husband seems very upset with me and our sex has completely stopped. I’ve had some differences with his core friend group and I’ve been ghosted by his best friend’s wife as well. He tells me I’ve ruined his life. How do I save my marriage?

For a man, the presence of his friends serves as an anchor. A friend, essentially a family member recruited from the outside world, can become a most cherished part of one’s life. It’s crucial not to readily believe in allegations that someone is ruining another person’s life. Bad combinations and unfortunate timing are realities we must gently acknowledge. People sometimes desire different things, and to save a marriage, unquestionably, your husband’s commitment and desire to salvage the relationship are essential too. With your discussion on the discord with his friends, he might have felt pressured to choose between them and you, his spouse. A change in one’s way of life or a test of loyalties can induce discomfort, leading to hate, guilt, evasion, and lies in many cases. Why has his best friend’s wife stopped talking to you? It’s worth examining what might have transpired to make her withdraw, avoiding simplistic black-and-white definitions of right and wrong. Rifts occur when there is a lack of alignment in plans, sometimes with no one at fault. Priorities shift, times change, and fears surface. Does she resent you? Is she worried? The better you understand her, the easier it will be for you to put an end to all speculation. Our reputations do have a curious way of preceding us into a room, don't they? Focus on your marriage by engaging with a professional marriage counsellor to explore what can be readily fixed and mulled over.

(Dr Aman Rajan Bhonsle, Ph.D, is a consulting relationship counsellor and youth mentor)

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