We all say resilience means bouncing back. But what does that actually look like? For me, resilience is not about pretending you are unshaken. It’s about acknowledging the storm and still finding your way through it. Like Alecia Moore says, ‘Resilience is like a muscle. Flex it enough and it takes less effort to get over the emotional punches each time.’
Think of it this way: resilience isn’t about being unbreakable. It’s about saying, ‘Yes, I’ve been broken, but I’m still piecing myself back together and growing through it.’
A young manager I met (let’s call him Arjun) was constantly overwhelmed at work. Every email or client escalation would throw him off, and he would lose sleep replaying mistakes. We introduced the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise for those spirals and the three-breath pause before replying to difficult mails. He also started noting three micro-wins daily, which shifted his focus from ‘I can’t handle this job’ to ‘I did manage parts of it well.’ Within a few months, his confidence grew and his stress response became softer. The problems did not vanish, but he felt equipped to deal with them. Here are seven simple ways you too can start building resilience:
Radical self-acceptance
Most of us are harsh with ourselves. Example: If you often think, ‘I’m too sensitive’, reframe it as ‘My sensitivity allows me to notice things others miss.’
Writing this on a sticky note and seeing it daily chips away at the inner critic. Over time, the self-judgment softens into self-acceptance
Manage stress
Stress is not only in your mind – it lives in your shoulders, jaw and gut.
Example: Before a big presentation, instead of overthinking, do a 2-minute shake-out: roll your shoulders, unclench your jaw, stretch your arms, exhale loudly. Your nervous system registers the release, making it easier to stay calm.
Build self-esteem
Confidence doesn’t come from one big achievement - it’s built in small deposits.
Example: Instead of waiting until you have lost 10 kilos to feel proud, celebrate micro-wins like ‘I went for a walk today,’ ‘I chose a healthier meal,’ or ‘I logged off work on time.’ These daily wins train your brain to trust yourself.
Grounding exercise
When the mind spirals into ‘what ifs,’ grounding pulls you back. Example: Imagine sitting in a meeting and worrying about a mistake you made yesterday. Pause and notice: 5 things you see (the table, laptop, a pen), 4 things you feel (your shirt on your skin, feet on the floor), 3 things you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste. Within minutes, your mind calms enough to focus again.
Express emotions
Unexpressed emotions don’t disappear - they get stored in your body. Naming them reduces their intensity. Example: Instead of saying ‘I am angry’ (which makes it your identity), say ‘I feel angry.’ Then move it: scribble on paper, go for a brisk walk or dance it out for one song. The release prevents the emotion from festering.
Pause before reacting
Resilience does not mean you never lose your temper. It means you give yourself a window of choice. Example: If your boss criticizes you unfairly, your instinct may be to snap or shut down. Try a three-breath pause. Inhale deeply, hold, exhale slowly - three times. That tiny gap often stops regretful reactions and gives space for a calmer response.
Build connection
Resilience is never a solo project. Example: If you are having a rough week, don’t wait for the ‘perfect friend’ or the ‘right words.’ Just send a message: ‘Hey, can we catch up for 10 minutes?’ Even smaller ways of connection like chatting with a colleague over coffee - build the social safety net we all need.
The truth is - stress and sorrow are part of being human. We don’t get to choose when they arrive, but we do get to choose how we hold them - whether we collapse under their weight or grow through them, one step at a time.
(Namrata Jain, Psychotherapist and Relationship Expert)
