DR SHRIRANG BAKHLE lists out activities that can help us to remove the unhappy mood and become happy again.
Every day, many times in a day, we become unhappy. Getting late for work: we become anxious. People do not do what we have told them to do: we become angry. We hear a bad news: we become sad. And so on. But commonly we recover from that unhappiness – sadness, fear or anger – quickly and get on with life. But sometimes, we or people around us come into the grip of unhappy mood that is difficult to come out of. All of us have experienced or seen these kind of ‘blues’ that persist for hours or days or sometimes for months.
So, what can we (or others) do, to shake off such unhappiness and become cheerful or at least calm again? If you ask this question to people, you will get many types of instant advice: “Don’t worry, be happy”, “Take a vacation”, “Do yoga”, “Drown the blues in alcohol” and so on! Some types of advice appeal to us, some type don’t. Some advice is easy to follow, some advice is not. For example, if you are anxious about some important forthcoming activities in office, you cannot ‘take a vacation’!
This article describes many types of activities that can help us to remove the unhappy mood and become happy again. There are many methods that can be used in different situations. The article systematically describes how each method works, so we can use each method wisely.
There are two categories of methods: Direct mind-level methods and indirect methods of getting happiness. There are advantages and disadvantages of both.
The indirect methods work with a simple logic: do some enjoyable or relaxing activity and become happy. For example, ‘eat ice cream’, ‘listen to music’, ‘have sex’, ‘read something interesting’, ‘dance’ and so on. When we do such pleasurable or relaxing activity, we become happier. And as a result, the unhappiness becomes less. The advantage of using these methods is that they are easy to follow: eating sweets is much easier than doing meditation (a direct type method)! However, these methods cannot be used anywhere, anytime. You cannot suddenly start dancing in your office! Or you cannot tell a person to eat sweets to come out of sadness caused by a death in the family. Also, sometimes you may get a feeling that you are ignoring the real problem while ‘enjoying’. But, if appropriate, these methods are easy methods that can help us to become happier.
Then there are direct methods that work at the mind level. All the thinking that leads to unhappiness happens in the mind. And the unhappiness (sadness, fear, anger) itself happens in the mind. Thus these direct methods directly tackle the problem at the mind level. If used effectively, these methods are extremely useful anytime, anywhere.
Changing beliefs about the problem and unhappiness: For example, a dear two-year old child gets a cut in the finger and all hell breaks loose! The mother starts crying, father becomes angry, grandparents become upset. Here the belief is: “Such a small child has a cut. It is such a terrible, horrible thing to happen!” Thinking calmly, the problem can be seen from a different perspective. The grade of severity of the problem needs to be understood: Is the problem a ‘scratch level problem’ or a ‘fracture level problem’ or a ‘cancer’ level problem? Once the belief changes, the unhappiness reduces and people become calm again. Many a times, we exaggerate the problem and become intensely unhappy. On the other hand, when we see how bravely others are facing much bigger problems (such as cancer); we realize that our problem is much smaller.
Intensity of wishes is also a problem. Failure in love or failure in exams are major causes of suicides in teenagers. “I must get the other person’s love, otherwise it is not worth living” or “I must pass in the exam, otherwise there is no hope in life” are too intense wishes that can lead to the grip of unhappiness if unfulfilled. Reducing the intensity of the wish or saying that ‘if wish is fulfilled, I will be happy, but if wish is not fulfilled I won’t breakdown” helps to reduce the unhappiness and become calm again.
There are many more methods of cooling down the raging unhappy emotions in the mind and becoming happy or at least calm again – from simple methods such as distraction to relaxation techniques (including yoga and meditation) to taking medicines – and the not-recommended methods of using drugs or alcohol. The forthcoming second part of this article will discuss all these methods in detail. The most important take-home message is this: even if you are in the grip of seemingly unshakeable unhappiness, don’t despair: there are lots of methods that can make you happy again!
