To know that binge drinking ruins your morning, gives you brain fog and practically leaves you with no will to be productively employed at your work is self-knowledge. The knowledge in and of itself is of no use if one were to not use it to make wiser, more productive decisions. Self-preservation is in saying "No" to the fifth drink. Self-love would be to forgive oneself if we were to say yes to many more drinks that were to follow and, take care of oneself as a loved one would and not wallow in self-pity, to not indulge in self-hatred for the next few days.
Self-love is distinct from self-preservation. It is necessary to understand the difference to be able to live a more emotionally rich life. Often, to self-preserve we refrain from taking decisions that may open new horizons for us, transform us, and completely rehaul the way we look at the world. Transformative experiences are only possible when we risk making unpopular choices, not so much guided by data but by courage and conviction.
Self-love is the cultivation of a voice in your head that counters the constant critic that sits inside you and pulls you down. It doesn’t have to motivate you necessarily, but it wraps you in a blanket and comforts you, even in the worst of times. It helps you self-soothe and returns you to yourself. It helps you regain your power and shine.
Sometimes self-preservation is the ego at work. It is defensive. It is the one that will judge, and pre-judge to stop you from getting hurt. It will stop you from reaching out, for it fears rejection. It will stop you from asking for help, for it fears weakness. It will stop you from confessing love, for it fears abandonment. It is driven by fears and scarcity. It is centred around the ego. The job of the ego is to take everything personally and protect itself from hurt.
Self-love, on the other hand, can endure rejection, abandonment, and weakness. It can see you through your worst, and heal you back to your best. That’s the power of self-love.
Many well-meaning modern gurus will give you a to-do list and tell you how the only way to do something is to be disciplined. But there is something more visceral that will take you to the place where you are in complete harmony with yourself.
Thus, a true lover of life will not so much be bothered by self-preservation. If one were to conduct the business of life with any kind of grace, one must build the inner muscle of self-love that allows you to be shame-free, guilt-free, unapologetically your authentic self in every situation, that lets you take courageous decisions and not judge you for being weak and writhing in pain for taking wanton bad decisions.
(The writer is a mental health and behavioural sciences columnist, conducts art therapy workshops and provides personality development sessions for young adults. She can be found @the_millennial_ pilgrim on Instagram and Twitter)
