Emraan Hashmi still kicks himself for not being present at that exact moment when his son entered the world. “I had been hanging around the hospital. When the doctor told me that the delivery was still 30-45 minutes away, I went out to get ice-cream for everyone with some friends,” the actor flashbacks.
Midway, he got a call from his grandmother urgently calling him back. “I returned and rushed straight into the delivery room, to see Ayaan, all wrapped up, staring unblinkingly at everyone. I remember thinking that it was a rather mature stare for a newborn,” recounts Emraan with a laugh, still reeling from that rush of emotion he had felt looking at his child, knowing that now he was responsible for another human being whom he had to take care of and nurture.
Photo: Instagram/Emraan Hashmi
His father and he had enjoyed a great bond, but the senior Hashmi had been a rather strict father when he was growing up. Emraan is more easy-going, letting Ayaan do whatever he wants and many a times, saving him when he gets into trouble with his mamma. “Even before I became a father, I’d promised myself that I would be a friend first, someone my child would respect as a parent, but also be able to talk to about anything,” he shares. And that’s the kind of relationship he enjoys with his 11-year-old son today.
Emraan has always believed that children have a certain native intelligence that most adults don’t give them credit for because they are not as articulate. Ayaan is a bright boy and because he had to fight cancer at a very young age, exudes maturity and empathy beyond his years. “When you’re going through what he did, it’s easy to wallow in self-pity, rage at how unfair life is. But my four-year-old son took it in his stride, fought back valiantly and in the process, gave me a different perspective,” he admits.
When he looks back on that really dark phase in his life when his grandmother passed away, followed by her sister who was like his grandmother, then, Ayaan being diagnosed with cancer and soon after, his mother too, Emraan can only remember how numb he was as he tried to cope with it all. “We saw Ayaan through, and that gave us strength and hope that my mother would get better too. We couldn’t save her, but it made me realise just how fragile life is. While we have no control over it, we can ensure that we eat well, sleep well, lead a more healthy, holistic and disciplined life,” he points out.
Today, Emraan is a regular at the gym and once lockdown restrictions were lifted, has often been spotted cycling with his wife and son. The pandemic, he admits, has given him more quality time with Ayaan who has been cooped up indoors since last March, schooling at home and separated from his friends. “It’s unprecedented, we adults are struggling, so I can only imagine what is going through a child’s mind,” he sighs.
Prod him on what his son thinks of him as an actor and Emraan confides that Ayaan is extremely critical of his work, argues with him a lot but throws up some very valid points that has him thinking and from time to time, doles out advice. “I get no bhav from him,” daddy chuckles, sharing that if he shows Ayaan a trailer of his film, the little boy will tell him it’s okay, he’s fine, then ask if he can go back to what he was doing. “He shoots me down and it keeps me grounded.”
The difference between father and son is that while the former has been somewhat introverted, Ayaan is an extrovert, chatting with everyone he meets when he goes out, from four to 60, including the security guards in his building whom he knows well. “The first time he was on stage, he was just three and in kindergarten. But there were no signs of nerves. I would have been standing in the back row taking my cues from the others, but Ayaan who was placed in the second row, nudged his way to the front to take centre stage and bask in the limelight,” reminisces the proud actor, adding that even during the press conference of his book, Kiss Of Life, his son who was supposed to be sitting in the audience, came on stage and started taking questions and cracking jokes. “He’s super confident and a natural born star.”
So, does he see Ayaan following in his footsteps? “He’s still very young and I don’t want to nudge him in a particular direction. Right now, it’s time to build a base, inculcate lifelong beliefs and principles in him, there will be enough time to think of a career later. I was confused myself till I was around 20-21. Even when I was offered my first film, I was unsure if this was what I wanted to do. I did it, and films found me. Life has a way of taking you to your destination,” Emraan concludes.
