It started during lunch breaks in the school canteen. Unnati Mishra, now a PR professional, recalls how a girl in her friend circle would make seemingly innocent comments, “You’re too tomboyish for romance” or “Guys don’t usually go for dark-skinned girls,” under the garb of concern. “At first, I believed she cared,” Unnati says. “But I later realised it was disguised criticism meant to make me feel insecure. That’s when I chose silence and walked away.” What Unnati experienced was not just casual teasing or friendly banter; it was baiting.
What is baiting?
Baiting is a subtle, calculated form of emotional manipulation, one that provokes a strong emotional reaction by pushing your psychological triggers. Remember, it is not just a casual friendly “taunt”. You need to recognise the difference between a friendly nudge and a much more manipulative comment.
This manipulation doesn’t always come from obvious places. It can happen in romantic relationships, friendships, family dynamics, and increasingly, the workplace. According to a 2023 survey by Mental Health America, nearly 37% of employees reported feeling manipulated or emotionally provoked by a colleague or supervisor, often under the guise of feedback or “constructive criticism.”
“Baiting is when someone, often a narcissist, tries to trigger you on purpose,” explains Sneha Shivarajan, Consulting Psychologist at Good Wave Foundation. “They might poke at your fears, guilt, or anger just to get a reaction and stay in control. You don't like to discuss your personal life in the workplace? Best believe they will keep asking about it even if you ask them not to.”
While manipulation is nothing new, baiting hides behind a smile, faux empathy, or clever phrasing. Unlike confrontation, it lures you in subtly, making you question your sensitivity or perception.
“Emotional manipulation is often cloaked in concern, pity, even love,” says Sybil Shiddell, Country Manager, Gleeden India. “When someone pokes and prods a reaction out of you, that is not love. Emotional manipulation is control.”
The signs
The hardest part about baiting is identifying it, especially because it mimics real concern or candid feedback. But psychologists and relationship experts say there are a few red flags to watch for.
“You’ll often see this on social media,” Siddhi Aiya, Counselling Psychologist and Habit Coach at Alyve Health, notes. “A stranger posts an inflammatory comment, not for discussion but for reaction.” Offline, it’s more personal. “A colleague might mock your work ethic, a family member may bring up your past, or a partner might push your insecurities, knowing exactly what will make you flinch.”
Ipshita Das, Founder of DizzyDuck, breaks it down, saying, “There’s an art to manipulative emotional behaviour, knowingly provoking you, using triggering words, and stirring conflict to pull you into chaos. Too often, this tactic is used against women. We’re told to ‘calm down,’ ‘not take it personally,’ or worst of all, ‘just let it go’.”
So, how do you know you’re being baited, rather than just having a difficult conversation? “Start by noticing patterns,” says Shivarajan. “Does this person frequently bring up things that upset you? Do they seem more interested in your reaction than in genuine dialogue? Do you leave these interactions feeling drained or defensive?”
If the answer is yes, it’s likely baiting.
How to handle baiting
Once you’ve recognised baiting, the next challenge is responding or rather, choosing how to respond. “The baiter thrives on the reaction. That’s their reward,” Aiya explains. “Instead, you can:
Name it internally: ‘This feels like bait.’
Pause. Breathe.
If safe, set a clear boundary: ‘I’m not okay with this conversation.’
Or simply disengage. No reaction is a response.”
Raghunandan Saraf, Founder & CEO, Saraf Furniture, advises to “answer with calm indifference. Staying unresponsive to emotional baiting removes the need to be involved. The protective barrier of silence is a barrier not deserved, and no justification is needed while safeguarding serenity.”
Sonica Aron, founder of Marching Sheep, encourages people to evaluate situations rationally. “I’ve come to see that not all conflict is bad. Some push us out of our comfort zones, and some shake beliefs that we’ve never paused to question. But then, there are times when conflict doesn’t feel honest… When someone says something not to talk or understand, but just to provoke.”
“In those moments,” she continues, “put on the rational hat, pause and ask yourself a simple question: what do I want from this exchange? Walk away, not because it's a weakness, it’s just about letting emotions rest. Come back to it later. And let the greater logic win.”
Silence, it turns out, isn’t just golden, it’s often strategic. “Being unbothered isn’t weakness,” says Das. “It’s wisdom in high heels.”
Protect your energy
The emotional toll of baiting is real, and yet so many victims question their perception instead of the manipulator’s intent. According to a 2022 report by the Indian Journal of Psychological Medicine, over 42% of people in toxic relationship dynamics reported chronic stress symptoms, such as anxiety, fatigue, loss of confidence, linked directly to emotional invalidation and provocation.
“Everyone deserves to be in a space where they feel listened to, valued, and not pushed to their limits for someone else's gratification,” emphasises Shiddell. “We encourage anyone, especially those who feel unseen or unheard, to choose themselves, choose their peace, and choose their emotional well-being.”
Ridhima Kansal, Director at Rosemoore, echoes this sentiment: “Baiting is a passive form of manipulation. The intention is to throw someone off balance. The simplest way to handle baiting is to ignore or calm respond. Fighting is not the ultimate goal. Acknowledging when to act without engagement is the true exercise of control.”
When baited, your body might respond before your brain does, quickened heartbeat, shallow breath, and flushed skin. That’s when you pause, return to centre, and remember: you are not obligated to engage.
“And in the end, if it gets too much for you,” reminds Shivarajan, “don’t be afraid to reach out for support. Just remember, you don’t have to lose control and play their game their way.”
Whether it’s a partner’s passive-aggressive remark, a colleague’s sarcastic jab, or a relative’s underhanded comment masked as advice, if it leaves you questioning your worth, it’s probably not worth your energy.
Or, as Mishra puts it, “Silence and self-control often speak louder than words. Let your peace be your power.”
