How often do we vent out our anger, irritation, or frustration in the form of complaints? Chances are very high. However, before you know it, you start looking like a walking, talking complaint box and become a social pariah. Fear not! Becoming a better complainer is easy if you know the way.
According to Dr Prabhojit Mohanty, Psychiatrist, De-addiction Specialist, and Sexologist, complaining can either become a healthy release or simply an emotional noise. “Sigmund Freud believed that bottled-up feelings eventually find an outlet, often through tension or irritability. After him, his school of thought was carried forward by psychologists known as Neo-Freudians. However, constant venting without purpose can trap us in negativity. For the listener, it can come across as constructive feedback or simply a rant, depending on whether there’s a clear, logical intention behind it.”
The importance of self-awareness, intention, and understanding what you feel or want to change was recognised by Neo-Freudians like Karen Horney, a psychoanalyst known for her studies on anxiety and emotional needs, and Alfred Adler, the founder of individual psychology, who focused on motivation and self-improvement, says Dr Prabhojit. He calls it the true art of complaining well.
“Learning how to express dissatisfaction clearly and constructively is a skill that strengthens relationships, supports emotional balance, and enhances problem-solving. Like any skill, it improves with awareness, and practice,” mentions Dr Prabhojit.
Keeping that in mind, you need to focus on simple yet effective methods to complain and be heard.
Management: All we think about is getting that particular emotion out. However, the outcome will be a big zero. Thus, the first thing is to organise your thoughts on the complaint and its importance. Not everything needs to be vented out. Also, the complaint should be about finding a solution to the trouble vexing you, rather than just a rant that will be forgotten.
Strategise: You need to plan the complaint in a minimal yet constructive manner so that it appears positive rather than negative. The complaint should convey a strong message rather than someone’s emotional outburst.
Mindfulness: Complaints come in a flow. Thus, you might blurt out things that might come out as negative at times. Be mindful of the words used in the complaint and consider other people’s feelings too. It can help find a strong partner who actually listens and helps you gain perspective and solutions. Also, be less judgmental about people and episodes since the reality might be different from what you notice.
Acceptance: Take the onus of rectifying the core issue of the complaint instead of ranting. That way, it stops being a complaint and becomes one thing less to worry about. Also, accept the fact that some things might not be remedied and thus move to other things. Not every complaint is worth your time and attention.
Channelling: You need to find ways to channel the complaints so that your reflections give you the clarity to solve the complaints and not let them cloud your mind. You can write them in a journal or diary. Sometimes, talking to someone empathic helps clear the thoughts. All of this can also help in your strategy to find a solution.
Simple methods and a focus on getting solutions will help you channel your inner good person and become a better complainer.
