Even when you give up on relationships because of their restrictive, complicated nature you never give up on the idea of romance. I could never understand, even as a child, why romantic films used to drive people crazy. Why is DDLJ considered to be an iconic film? Why do women love Shah Rukh Khan? Why do people fall for unrealistic romantic drama? Why do we listen to cheesy romantic lyrics idolising lovers? Why not create a real love story with real people?
Sure there exists something real out there, which doesn’t have to be so made up, so out of the world, so massively misleading. Realistic romance. Real chemistry. A real love story. Then you become old enough to understand that romance can never be real and its so-called magic must be lived vicariously through Shah Rukh Khan or a cheap guilt-ridden watch like Bridgerton. Or else you will end up hurting yourself bad. That’s why even when we stop believing in hormone-driven teenage love and know better from experience, we don’t stop listening to romantic songs.
This part of us that seeks sublime experiences by the means of union with another is going to stay eternally hungry. We outsource these needs to the world of fiction. The only healthy way to meet these needs is the world of outrageously flimsy fiction and cheesy love poetry and lyrics.
Our obsession with romantic love can keep us in a needy, wounded, and infantile state forever. In fact, this extreme obsession with romantic love is a sign of disconnection from the self. The obsession emanates from inner incompleteness and its constant awareness.
When popular songs say it is a disease with words like ‘prem rog’ or ‘loveria’ there is a great deal of truth in it. The obsession with another person is akin to a disease. But we are so disappointed in this pursuit of the divine other, a soulmate who can complete us, we lose faith in healthy love. The other extreme of romantic love is self-dependence. Refusing to let anyone breach the walls of your being because you have been wronged by your wrong idea of love is a sure-shot way to live an angry and bitter life.
You may indulge in all the romantic sagas available on OTT platforms and pine for a tragic love drama in your life but know very well that they cater to a very base instinct in you — the belief that you are lonely, hurting, helpless without your soulmate. And, it is only this mythical creature who can rescue you from yourself. These love stories can be your escape but a better way to feel whole would be to connect with real people without the hidden agenda of a ‘romantic escape’ with them.
(The writer is a mental health and behavioural sciences columnist, conducts art therapy workshops and provides personality development sessions for young adults. She can be found @the_millennial_pilgrim on Instagram and Twitter)
