On Children’s Day, a doctor, a counsellor, and a parenting coach explore the causes and effects of rising anxiety among school-going children, the pressures they encounter, and how adults can help them become resilient to withstand the pressure and thrive.
A 10-year-old biting her nails, grinding her teeth at night, a teenager with headaches before exams, unsettling restlessness, and avoiding engagement with people and places, getting angry over trivial issues are signs we often dismiss as ‘just stress.’ But they might be early whispers of anxiety, which usually go unnoticed if not attended to on time.
Decoding Anxiety: Signs Parents Often Miss
Children don’t always express anxiety through words. It manifests in their behaviour, sleep patterns, and physical symptoms. Some children somatise stress, with their bodies “speaking” their worries when they can’t articulate them otherwise.
Paediatrician Dr. Tina Goel, who frequently observes stress presenting in various ways among children, including teeth grinding (bruxism) during sleep, frequent stomachaches, nausea, or headaches without a medical reason, difficulty falling asleep or frequent nightmares, fatigue despite enough sleep, and muscle tension such as clenched fists, nail-biting, or skin picking. She explains, “Kids today face unique pressures, including digital overload from easy access to devices, academic competition, family behaviours, bullying, and social media comparisons in the post-pandemic world. Different age groups (preschoolers, tweens, and teens) face distinct challenges that require tailored approaches.”
Professional practising psychotherapist and child counsellor Padma Rewari says that it is common for children, teenagers, and even adults to say, “I’m anxious.” But what does that really mean? “Anxiety isn’t always a sign that something is wrong; it’s actually the mind’s natural alarm system. It’s how our body warns us when it senses pressure, danger, or even change. A little bit of anxiety is normal and can help us stay motivated and focused,” she adds. According to her, anxiety becomes a concern when the worry doesn’t go away or when it starts to interfere with daily life, be it sleep, concentration, appetite, or confidence. This is when the alarm system in the brain keeps ringing even when there’s no real danger.
The emotional signs of anxiety may include irritability, frequent crying, or “meltdowns” over small things, constant reassurance-seeking (“Will I do well?” “Are you angry at me?”), excessive guilt or self-blame, overthinking, fear of making mistakes, or catastrophizing (“What if I fail?”). The behavioural signs might involve avoidance (refusing school, withdrawing from friends), sudden changes in eating habits (overeating or loss of appetite), over-dependence on screens for escape, perfectionism, or an obsessive need for order, as well as regression (thumb-sucking, bedwetting, clinginess in older children).
Dr. Tina stresses that ongoing anxiety lasting more than four weeks, which affects sleep, appetite, or school performance, is a clear sign for parents to seek professional help promptly. This proactive step can greatly impact a child's mental health, fostering a sense of responsibility and empowerment in parents.
The Childhood Pressure Cooker
The new pressures contributing to anxiety among children arise from a mix of factors, including early academic competition, overpacked routines with tuition, sports, and various activities, social media pressures, parental expectations, fear of failure, and challenges in social adjustment after the pandemic. Sadly, many children are often unprepared and too young to handle these issues independently.
Parenting coach and author of Parenteen, Prakriti Prasad, finds it quite strange and unsettling that, despite all the technological and material progress and a generation of educated and more aware parents, the mental health of our youth remains critically low. “This generation of children, whether it is Gen Z, Gen Alpha, or others, is dealing with various mental health issues stemming from low self-confidence, low self-esteem, self-doubt, and self-sabotage. This, in turn, affects their physical health, leading to all kinds of psychosomatic illnesses,” says Prasad, who often receives calls from worried parents (even from the doctor’s clinic) about their children experiencing unexplained episodes of headache, heartburn, or dizziness. Tests show no clear medical cause, which makes it imperative for us as adults to recognise that our children’s poor mental health impacts not only their academics and social skills but also their physical well-being.
Dr. Goel gently reminds us that emotional strength is no longer about “toughing it out,” but about resilience, empathy, and self-awareness. “Today’s children are growing up in a world where their emotional resilience matters more than their report cards,” she explains. Rewari fully agrees with Dr. Goel. She underscores the importance of children understanding that anxiety is not a weakness but a natural human response. As adults, we need to teach our children to understand when it is helpful and when it’s time to pause, talk, and care for themselves. When anxiety is perceived with empathy instead of fear, children learn that it doesn’t have to control them,” she explains. They begin saying, “I’m feeling anxious,” instead of “I am anxious.” This small change is the first step toward emotional resilience.
What Kids Really Need from Adults
One of the most upsetting actions adults can take is to dismiss a child's feelings of being “weak” or “bad” for feeling anxious, as they often do.
In today’s fast-paced world, education often feels like a race, and children are expected to perform, achieve, and constantly prove themselves, sometimes at the expense of their emotional well-being. “Many students begin to associate their self-worth with their grades. The joy of learning diminishes, replaced by fear of failure and comparison. Over time, this pressure can cause anxiety, irritability, loss of motivation, and physical symptoms like headaches or fatigue. What children need most in such moments is understanding, not more pressure,” says Rewari.
For instance, parents can help their children recognise their triggers, practice relaxation techniques, or engage in physical activities to manage their anxiety. Parents should continue to remind their children that their effort matters more than their score. When adults value persistence, encourage balance, and listen without judgment, children feel supported and safe to try again. “Emotional well-being and academic success are not mutually exclusive, but they go hand in hand. A calm, confident mind learns better. When home and school prioritise growth, rest, and balance, students not only achieve more but also build resilience that lasts a lifetime,” Rewari explains.
Prasad offers five points of advice to parents. “Be present and emotionally available for your child. Go beyond instructions and have genuine, two-way conversations. Spend true quality time by engaging in shared, interactive activities. Notice both their words and body language for unspoken cues. Express love often through touch, gestures, and warmth,” explains Prasad.
Dr. Goel stresses “encouragement over evaluation,” which involves praising effort without ignoring mistakes and accepting outcomes without judgment. Transitioning from focusing on what’s wrong to understanding what’s happening inside can be achieved by teaching emotional vocabulary, such as calm, nervous, frustrated, proud, and confused, so children can identify feelings instead of acting them out. It's also important to pause before problem-solving: let the child’s emotions settle first, then offer guidance in a friendly atmosphere.
The trio unanimously agree that role modelling is crucial. As Prasad emphasises, children learn more from what they see us do than from what we tell them to do. “Hyper-reactive, super sensitive, aggressive, and violent parents will naturally breed negative emotions in children. The temperament of parents tends to influence the behaviour of children,” she adds.
Emotional resilience doesn’t mean never feeling anxious, but it means knowing how to cope with and bounce back from difficult emotions. Raising emotionally strong kids in 2025 isn’t about shielding them from challenges; it’s about helping them understand their feelings and providing them with tools to manage them effectively. When adults slow down, listen, and model calm, children learn that strength isn’t the absence of anxiety, it’s the courage to face it.
