Agony Aunt: My boyfriend just shifted to London, and I can’t cope with it

The depressing distance

I am a 19-year-old girl and my boyfriend just shifted to London for his master’s course. We have been in a relationship for the past five years and I have known him since I was six years old. I have been very dependent on him and now since he left, I can’t seem to focus on anything or think straight. My marks have deteriorated since then and I have faced two panic attacks since he left. I don’t think I can cope with the distance. What do I do?

Ans: I understand that physical distance might be causing a lot of emotional turmoil within you as the long distance relationship does bring about changes. Both of you share a long history and have been used to each other’s constant presence. Since this is the start of a new journey for the two of you, what you are feeling is quite normal. However, resolving the dependency that you have on him is essential as it is adversely affecting your well being. The process can be started with professional help who can work with you and help you not only with dependency, but also with maintaining the long distance relationship.

Life after losing loved one

I am a 26-year-old man and I just lost my closest friend in an accident. I was present during the accident as I was riding shotgun while he drove. I saw him take his last breath right in front of my eyes. I have some injuries from the accident and every time I look at them I go into depression and isolate myself from people. It has been a week since the incident has taken place and I still haven’t recovered from it or been able to step out of my room. How do I cope with this?

Ans: I am very sorry to hear about your friend. It would have been quite heartbreaking to witness the loss. What you are most likely going through is post trauma effects which are a mix of the accident and the shock associated with it, your friend’s death as well as sustaining injuries yourself. It might take some time as well as a couple of therapy sessions to help you deal with the grief, survivor guilt as well as your own near-death experience. Trauma therapy can help you cope with the emotional upheaval that you are going through at present.

Dating and distress

I am a 40-year-old divorcee with two children. My husband and I share the days so as to spend time with the children. It’s been two years since the divorce and I have recently started seeing someone who is 25-years-old. I finally feel like I can move on and find happiness with him. But I face a lot of societal rejection due to dating someone much younger. In fact, my parents aren’t accepting of it as well. All the negativity really stresses me out. Due to this, I undergo major mood swings and this is causing a problem in my current relationship. What do I do?

Ans: The unconventional concepts in relationships often garner a lot of criticism. The important question to initially resolve is about you being sure of your stand on this relationship along with your partner and in what direction both of you view it heading. Once both of you are on the same page, how others feel about your relationship wouldn’t matter much. A family sit-down talk wherein you formally introduce your relationship to them would also be helpful as it will reflect your faith in the relationship which will in turn make it simpler for others to understand as well.

Agony Aunt: My boyfriend just shifted to London, and I can’t cope with it

A son’s agony 

I am a 20-year-old boy. My father left my mother and me when I was 2-year-old. We have not been in touch since the day he left. Sometimes, I can’t help but think whether I should message him and get to know him, but I am under constant fear of facing rejection by him. I feel extremely sad and some days drive myself crazy thinking about why he would just leave like that. I don’t know how to put the past behind me and move on though. How do I erase the memories of my haunting past and lead a normal life?

Ans: The fear of rejection is quite evident in your narration and this feeling has been unresolved for a long time now. It is important to determine the objective or what you intend to achieve by reconnecting with your father. Once you are clear on this front, the unresolved feelings, if any, can also be addressed. The strong urge to find answers could at times be influenced by these unfulfilled needs. Thus, acknowledging these needs is also essential. Once that happens, things will fall into place smoothly.

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