In February 2021, exacty on Valentine's Day- February 14, Khyati, 24, downloaded Bumble and Hinge, the two apps that were on the buzz. Khyati wanted to meet people, have fun, share a similar vibe and “wasn’t trying to look for quick hookups.”
In a span of one year, Khyati went out on at least dozens of dates, , with varying degrees of success. She, although, was ready with her check list, the boxes the guys could fit in. According to Khyati, it was better to be prepared than to be sorry. It wasn't an exam she had to attempt but a test she opted for. She sure had filters while talking to men online, for her, she did not really wish to waste anybody's time, especially hers.
As described by a scientist at Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction, internet dating is the one of the most significant events in the evolution of human reproduction in human history (second only to that time when Homo sapiens became a non-migratory species, something like ten thousand years ago). Studies have shown that dating apps have become the most common way for couples to meet, try out things and if it doesn't work, move away like an adult.
Dipthi, 24, says she made more friends than boyfriends on Hinge. Her dating spree has been as meloncholic as an the run time of departing scene of Jesse and Celine from 'Before Sunrise'- full of shallow promises.
Dating has indeed helped people meet other people—it has expanded the reach of singles’ social networks, facilitating interactions between people who might never have crossed paths otherwise. But.
Zai, 24, has been using Bumble for 3 weeks , and says that for her, getting matches is easy. The hard part? “The annoying small talk.”
“Don’t ask me what my favorite color is because I’m going to ghost you,” says Zai.
Then what do women want? Zai says out her 25 matches, she spoke to just one guy who passed her vibe check. He too, did not romantically interests her. Sanjana, 20, says she spent a month on Bumble to meet new people, go out on coffee dates. This specific eccentric woman, said she wants her time to herself. She was ready to meet guys, spend some time but was not ready to fully give herself to them. She and her sister after two glasses of wine while lying on floor, expressed their desires towards men. Her sister, 24, said, she just wants this one guy to like her favourite Bollywood star, in return, she's ready to write an English version of Malayali song 'Melle Kolum' for him. It's absurd.
Kabita, 21, when asked what did she look for in men on Bumble, she said, their male ego for me to crush. I incurred this one was really hurting.
I personally am looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love. And I am very definitive that one couldn't find it on dating apps.
I would argue that women should delete their dating apps en masse in some Lysistrata-like move of self-preservation; I know many women who have chucked these apps and find themselves much happier for it.
But I doubt most women – or most people, regardless of gender - will follow suit. One of the most insidious aspects of dating apps is, again, that they are designed to be addictive – so addictive that many people say they use them without intending to ever meet up with someone in person.
I think this is one of the greatest dangers of online dating: that the new dating technologies will eventually become more important to people than other human beings. Sadly, I think this is already starting to happen.
Women I spoke to were very casual in their approach yet seeking love in the process.
When it comes to love, hope springs eternal. My hope is that, somehow, one day, love will indeed conquer all, and both women and men will reject the sexist scam of online dating in order to find and build loving, caring relationships as equal partners. Have some people already found this through online dating? I don’t doubt they have. But this doesn’t make the harm that is coming to others through these platforms any less urgent to address.
Retracting from that, what women really want is cheeseburger, large fries and and a Cosmopolitan!
