Question: Does the relationship that we have with our parents impact the course of our life? If yes, how best are we to nurture this?
Sadhguru: Namaskaram! In the yogic science, we look at human life as a full cycle if one lives up to eighty-four years of age. In this cycle of life, which involves a little over one-thousand-and-eight cycles of the moon, the first quarter is when the influence of the parents is upon us energetically. In terms of karmic influence, parentage can only influence us up to twenty-one years of age. After that, we are not supposed to be influenced by them. We can only live in gratitude for whatever they have done. First of all, they have brought us into this world, and they have done many other things out of their love and involvement.
One should not be influenced by the patterns of parentage after twenty-one because it is important that one’s life is a fresh life, not a repetition of what has happened in the previous generation. There is a karmic influence which definitely influences everybody up to twenty-one years, but beyond this age, there is no such thing. A whole lot of people may depend on parents psychologically, financially, or socially, but essentially this karmic bond breaks at the age of twenty-one. We should not look for parental nurture after twenty-one years. After that, it is a bond of relationship, of love, and of gratitude. Those things can stay forever.
Question: Sadhguru, what are your views on uncommitted relationships?
Sadhguru: Uncommitted relationships can cause an enormous amount of insecurity in people. This is what has happened in the West. Relationships have become so painful because they are constantly uncertain. People may do something because it seems fashionable right now, but most people do not have the stability of mind to handle such uncertainty. Desperately trying to hold on to somebody all the time just destroys a human being in so many ways. When he is constantly uncertain, a human being's capability to live comes down dramatically.
So in our tradition, we created a certain certainty to relationships. Once you are married, it is for life. There is something very beautiful about it, but at the same time, if it becomes a source of exploitation, it can become very ugly. So which system is better? There is no system which is good in the world because every system can be exploited and misused. At the same time, every system can be used to live wonderfully. What we do out of it is the whole thing.
So, whether a live-in relationship is suitable or not is an individual thing; there is no common prescription. But from what I see, most human beings don’t have the stability of mind to handle constant uncertainty; they will go mad, which is what is happening in the West. Too many people are going insane simply because they are not able to handle the uncertainty of life. Your economic situations, your social situations, even your physical situations are uncertain. But if at least in your emotional situations there is some stability, it gives you a base to live your life more effectively. If you do not need it, it is up to you. It is individual but most people need it.
Question: How do we understand our true nature?
Sadhguru: You can understand the nature of the mind, the complexity of your personality or the capabilities and the deficiencies of your body, but you cannot understand that which is “you.” Fundamentally, your true nature is you. So what is meant by you getting to know yourself? You cannot understand yourself because there is nothing to understand. You can only experience it. “Understanding” fundamentally means rising above something. “I understand this” means in one way, I have risen above that. How do you rise above yourself? So there is no question of understanding your true nature.
Instead of being a fake nature, you can become true nature. Instead of being a personality, if you just drop it, you can become whatever your true nature is. But you cannot understand that. You are that. If you drop all your nonsense you become that. Right now, you are an illusionary drama. You just have to drop the drama. Everything that you know as “myself” today – your body, your mind, your personality, your emotion, everything – has been accumulated. All the stuff that you have gathered, if you keep it all down, what is left is your true nature.
