Ever noticed how a simple decision can turn into a full-blown discussion? You want to change your job, take up a new course or plan a solo trip. But before you make a move, you ask your friends, check with your parents and maybe a social media check too.
Taking advice is good. But not for everything from everyone. That not only leads to confusion but also deprives you of decision-making skills. Ask five friends what to wear to a party and you will probably get five different answers. One suggests a traditional outfit, another recommends something trendy, while someone else wonders why you are stressing over clothes. Suddenly, choosing an outfit feels like a major life decision.
Bhavika Agarwal, counsellor, says, “Too many cooks spoil the broth. Similarly, too many opinions confuse the mind.”
Approval trap
Today, opinions are just a message away. We can ask a friend, post a poll or turn to the family WhatsApp group for advice. While this can be helpful, it can also make us question our decision.
Imagine a young professional who wants to leave a well-paying job and try something creative. One friend calls it risky, another questions the idea, while parents worry about the future. Soon, an exciting plan becomes a source of stress. Most people give advice because they care. But what works for them may not work for you.
Advice should help you think, not make you doubt yourself. “It is important to take your own decision and be prepared to face the consequences,” advises Bhavika.
One of the biggest lessons in life is learning whose opinion really matters. Listen to people with experience, but don't let their fears decide your future. A friend who has never worked in your field may not understand your career plans. Someone who hates travelling may not see the appeal of a solo trip.
Mihir Vaidya, 20, has a story to share. “I decided to take a break after 12th to travel. I was offered an exchange program in Brasil for one year,” he shares. “While most of my friends were thrilled at the idea; some even jealous, elders had varied reactions. Most thought it was a bad idea to waste a year. Thankfully, my parents supported my decision and allowed me to go as they believed that this travel and exposure will help me in the long run. Had I allowed myself to go on a self-doubt trip because of varied opinions, I would have never made the trip to Brasil.”
Before asking for advice, think about what you need. Do you want useful information, an honest opinion or just someone to hear you out? Talk to people who understand your situation. And remember, asking for advice is not the same as asking for permission. You can respect your parents and value your friends while still making your own choices.
Trust Your Own Judgement
Making your own decisions doesn't mean you will always get things right. Everyone makes mistakes, changes their mind and takes a wrong turn. That's how we learn.
Start small. Choose how to spend your weekend, pick up a new hobby or sign up for something that interests you. You don't need to run every choice past a group of friends.
For bigger decisions, take your time. Gather information, think about the risks and ask yourself what you really want. Are you making this choice because it makes you happy or because it keeps everyone else happy?
Not everyone will understand your choices, and that's okay. Be responsible and listen to genuine concerns, but don't spend your life trying to keep everyone happy. That can take its toll on you because you can never keep everyone around you happy.
Have faith
Sometimes, all you need is a little faith in yourself and the courage to take the first step.
“Leap of faith is needed. You might fall, but you still can get up because you tripped, nobody pushed you,” Bhavika says. “And that’s why it’s easier.”
Your life is not a group project
A group project needs everyone's agreement. Your life doesn't. You don't need a unanimous vote to move forward. So don’t make it a group project. Stick to a favourite trusted few for advice. And remember, take their advice, but listen to your gut feeling and take the decision. And this applies to smallest thing like an outfit to a life changing one like a career choice.
