It is daughter's day today and while you have all things planned with a fancy gift and a surprise evening dinner or an adventurous trip, there is more than that your daughters need from you but may not ever ask - to grow up like a boss lady!
It is now a known fact that powerful girls grow up feeling secure in themselves. They are sure about their choices in life and can think critically about the world around them. They don't shy away from expressing and acknowledging their feelings and thoughts without any fear of losing an opportunity or a person. They have the 'I Can' attitude with occasional insecurities and self-doubts. However, these feelings can't discourage them because they have learned to navigate through the problems. They lead a valuable and full life. But where does it come from? Where do they learn to be the way they are? One answer - they have the strongest, most persistent, and nurturing parents. daughters grow up with natural maternal or paternal instincts. While a mother understands the daughter more than the father, it is both the parents' responsibility to respect her individuality by supporting her ideas, voices, and opinions.
On this International Daughter's Day today, we speak to a few independent and strong daughters to know what their parents did differently to raise them into strong women.
Spend quality time with your daughter:
Most girls in their late twenties and early thirties confess that their parents are their best friends. They can talk to them as freely as with their friends. They party, chill, and do night outs with their parents just like with their friends. "I was raised by a single mother so I have grown up seeing a strong woman always around me. I know my mother is available to listen to me whenever I need so I don't feel the need to talk to anyone else. I can talk to her while I am working, eating, or at any time of the day. She had full access to my inner world and so do I. It's a consistent effort from her end to be available for me and listen to me without judging me or discouraging certain ideas. I love and respect her for this immensely. She is the strongest woman I know. My best trips are with my mother," says Smruti Patwa, an advertising professional.
Don't consider her a liability:
Although many laws and judgments have been passed iterating the rights of women. But sadly, the mindset of many hasn't changed much. This July, the Supreme Court said, 'Daughters are not liability' and these are not just words. "It's very surprising that parents think they have to get their daughter married as soon as she is 18 or 21. I am 34-year-old and my parents have never forced me to marry or have done anything that makes me realise that I am their liability. I am treated just like my brother or anyone else in the family. I feel, giving special attention to the daughter is also not right just because she has to get married so she should have all the fun in her parents' house is in a way a reminder of being a liability to take care of. Don't do that favour. They are a family member just like anyone else," opines Sumedha Soni, a management professor.
Respect her opinions and instincts:
Just like every human, daughters can also have their opinions. If you discourage her from the very first time when she speaks her mind, she would never be able to develop the confidence to have thoughts of her own. Let her speak her mind and impress you. Parents are the first heroes for their daughters. They admire everything about them, and in return, they want to show their best to be accepted and loved by their parents. It is important to listen to them and respect their opinions and instincts, even if they are not about something that directly concerns them. "As a child, just like any parent, I was also taught to stay quiet when two elders are talking. But my parents would sit with me later and talk to me about the entire episode and listen to me if I had to say anything. We still follow this in our family even when I am all grown up. I always felt my opinion is important in the family and it gives me the confidence to speak my mind in my professional life," says Yamini Shekhawat, an investment banker.
Allow her to take her decisions:
This is not only for daughters, but many parents take full charge of their children's lives. This ultimately leads to low self-esteem and decision-making. Allow your daughter to make her own choices. Let her choose her clothes, her school, her friends, and her passion and profession. Some girls are doctors, engineers, architects, and teachers, but this again is not always their choice. So many times girls are not allowed to practice the profession they have worked for still they continue to do that. Sadly, for Indian parents, being happy and proud is only about choosing a profession that society perceives as prestigious. "My parents have always supported my decisions. Even when they knew I was wrong and things didn't go as I expected them to. My parents helped me deal with those failures. This built a lot of trust and faith in my parents. I still get full support when I fail in something that I chose to do. One day, I asked my father why he constantly supports my actions even when he knows they are wrong. He told me, "As a father, my responsibility is to guide you and not guard you. I am there to protect you but until you try and fail, you will never learn." I share this with so many parents and children. It is a difficult thing to do what my parents do but if every daughter is given this assurance, they will flourish like never before," says Apeksha Ranjan, an airline pilot.
Invest in her dreams and not in marriage:
This may sound very cliché. But this is the most precious gift that parents can give to their daughters - to support their dreams. From early childhood, daughters are instilled with a mindset of getting married, having kids, cooking, raising a family, and not going against the wishes of their family before and after marriage and the list is never-ending. In all of this, there is no daughter. What about what she wants? What about her dreams? What about her own adventures in life? What about the solo trips that she wants to take? or what about her dream of taking forward her family business or starting one of her own? "More than my parents, it's my brother who thinks about my choices, and this value is instilled in him by my parents because they never asked me or forced me to get married or anything that fits into the 'ideal' social norm. My father may not have a lot of money for dowry but he spends enough for my solo or group travels now and then and so does my brother. He always tells me to be financially, mentally, and emotionally independent. My clothing brand was sponsored by my father and I returned the entire money to him. He is proud of me and so am I to have a family that supports my choices and celebrates them," says 36-year-old Anjali Chakraborty.
