My husband, aged 40, is a porn addict and watches it every night. I find this disgusting. How do I rid him of this habit? SN, Dadar
One may feel disgusted if a partner is watching porn daily, but this is your feeling. For him, porn is exciting visuals which he enjoys. Give him his space and please don’t judge him. Most guys have been watching porn since their 20s. Problems arise in a relationship if he expects that type of behaviour from you, makes you watch the screen or pressures for such sex-life. Yes, but do tell him what you feel and how it is affecting you. He may not be aware of your feelings. Figure out how you can both spice up your sexlife. It eventually makes bonds deeper and you both will feel more connected.
I am 38 years old and experiencing menopause. My appetite for sex has also reduced drastically. Is this unusual? DB, Andheri
Lack of interest during menopause is a normal passing phase. Menopause comes with a roller coaster of changes in hormones. It does affect the sex drive. Vaginal dryness leading to pain during intercourse, dropping levels of oestrogen, mood swings, depression, fatigue, unexplained body pains, night sweats, changes in sleep pattern are common symptoms.
Blood flow decreases at the genitals which makes it difficult to get aroused. It is all due to hormonal imbalance. It is the temporary phase, which will pass. Don’t feel low. Sex doesn’t only mean sexual intercourse. Don’t force yourself into the act. You may not like the normal sex act, but you may like to be pampered and cuddled. Focus on things which you like, thus enriching emotional intimacy. Gradually you will jump back to a better sexual life as physical intimacy has no full-stop.
My husband completely loses interest in me once he comes off. This frustrates me a lot. What is the solution? PS, Chembur
Men lose interest after orgasm as the penis comes back to normal flaccid size followed by a refractory period. He will get a second erection only after 20 minutes to an hour. It is not that he loses interest in you. It is his body’s physiology. The normal time of ejaculation is one to three minutes only. It is never 20-30 minutes as shown in porn. The best way is to explore with more foreplay. The longer the play before the act, the higher is the female satisfaction. Figure out what you like sexually and what arouses you. Gradually you can indulge into it with him which will be quite satisfying.
Dr Hetal Gosalia, Samadhan Health Studio. Queries may be sent to fpj.sexmatters@gmail.com
