With Valentine's Day looming, Anisha Sengupta looks into 'what exactly is love'

Valentine’s is just around the corner, one of the most awaited occasions for couples. The day to celebrate as well as indulge in this thing we call Love. But what exactly is Love? It is very interesting to evaluate how Love is perceived and defined these days. Here I will not say millennials or Gen Z because Love is not something which happens in a particular time frame, age or stage of life.

Love is timeless and limitless; it is us who sets boundaries. This simple four letter word tends not to be that simple. Most of the times the issue is that two individuals may have a different definition for the same concept. For instance, one may say it is the intricate emotional vulnerability towards each other, being completely naked and exposed to each other in terms of your deepest secrets and darkest fantasies once the threshold of friendship is crossed, it is showing that vulnerable and organic side of yours that is otherwise at no one’s disposal. It is friendship on fire.

The other may have a view that is the quotient of physical intimacy that the couple share, the spice that makes it different from an otherwise regular friendship, taking the very connection to the next level. Both perspectives are contrasting. But balancing the two can make it complementary. Two elements that can help in making conflicting ideas complementary is communication and respect. It is essential to communicate exactly your perspective without fearing the outcome, and it would be lovely to hear their perspective. Ultimately it all depends on how much the couple can respect each other’s perspective and make it work somewhere in between. Here what matters is how far the individuals can cooperate to make a meaningful and valuable relationship. With this you can reach a level of understanding which is the key to any relationship.

Once you understand someone the room for doubt and suspicion is narrowed and path for trust is paved. There is no right or wrong in Love, but before we say this, make sure it’s Love! There comes a time when it would be safe to get back to the basics and ponder over the very foundation of things. You may start by asking yourself questions such as, ‘What is Love?’, ‘How do I know I Love him/ her?’, ‘How do I know if he/ she Loves me?’. Love is an intrinsic value to human life, not something that you can do or undo.

Physical intimacy, spending time together or even sharing things with each other are forms of expressing Love, but not Love itself. You will know its Love when you have no reason to Love that person. You simply like that person and have wholeheartedly accepted the person for the way they are – the good, the bad and the ugly. You have seen them in their good mood, in their angry mood and are still comfortable with them, you have accepted them for who they truly are, their unadulterated version. But this is something which is build up with time, sow the seed, water the plant and watch it grow. If you choose someone for their looks, their income, their assets and the like, it’s more of an alliance, which is okay. Matter of personal choice, but in such a scenario it will not be wise to look for things like affection, support, care, at least immediately, for they flow naturally. And yes, what is meant to be, will find a way.

Good things take time, there is a reason why it is said that Rome was not built in a day. But once built its quite a splendour, the idea is to make it concrete and lasting. Patience is the name of the game, provided efforts are from both sides. There is a reason why we say life partner and not day or month partner. No matter how lucrative Bollywood may make it seem, one sided Love, is never a good option. It is like an endless pit where you will simply keep on falling and falling. You should not fall, but rise in Love.

If we want someone to love us the way we are, we should love ourselves the way we are and others the way they are. No terms and conditions attached, whatsoever. Love right and it is an elixir, otherwise it can be a toxin. When Love is true, you need not show, for the feeling will make you and your lover glow!

anisha.expressions@gmail.com

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