What To Do When Your Heart Closes Towards A Friend?

What To Do When Your Heart Closes Towards A Friend?

There's a way to recognize this and address the issue before disconnection sets in

Somi DasUpdated: Saturday, October 14, 2023, 09:35 PM IST
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Have you ever wondered what it means to close your heart to someone you've always loved? It's a complex phenomenon that can happen to any of us, and it's worth exploring to understand how our relationships evolve over time.

Think about the people you've cherished throughout your life—friends, acquaintances, mentors, colleagues, siblings, cousins, or those special relatives who've always held a unique place in your heart. There's an unspoken connection and comfort that accompanies these relationships. You've walked through life's journey together, sharing common interests, likes, and dislikes. Whether it's the same taste in music, political views, or similar life goals, there's always been a strange sense of camaraderie and oneness.

But what happens when you feel your heart gradually closing towards someone you've cherished for so long? It's a poignant moment because it often means that something has shifted in your connection. Perhaps it's a change in their life choices or your perception of those choices. You find yourself passing judgment—harsh judgment—because their decisions clash with your expectations.

For example, let's say you're a married woman with a child. You see your single friend posting pictures of wild parties on social media, and you receive frequent party invites that you inevitably decline. A sense of resentment may begin to creep in. You start judging their lifestyle choices, and you feel that they don't understand your priorities anymore. This is where the heart begins to close.

What's intriguing is that this experience is not unique. Many wellness coaches and motivational figures often advise us to let go of friends who no longer serve us. They suggest that if a friendship isn't adding value to our lives, it's time to move on. While this advice might hold some truth, it doesn't address the complexity of human emotions and relationships.

Instead of engaging in an honest conversation about what's causing this distance and the gradual closing of our hearts, we often choose silence. We stop communicating with them, and slowly but surely, they fade away from our lives. We lose a friend—a special human being—with whom we've shared a unique history. Regrettably, there's no rewind button to go back and change things. Years later, we might suddenly miss them, but we might not have anything to talk about. The magic of the connection has left us feeling a void that can't be filled now. 

We humans are intricate creatures, and our consciousness is a vast and unpredictable realm. Strange memories and emotions from the past can resurface, leaving us wondering why we reacted the way we did. It's a reminder that our feelings and perceptions can evolve over time, sometimes without us even realizing it.

Dealing with the closing of our hearts towards loved ones isn't straightforward. As I recently experienced, my priorities in life have recently shifted due to a new job, the demands of a relationship, and household responsibilities. When I see friends or close acquaintances prioritizing things that don't align with my current life, my heart can start to close towards them. I catch myself passing judgment and criticizing their choices.

But here's the catch: I'm not alone in this experience. Many of us can relate to feeling confident and sure about our life's path at one moment, only to feel uncertain and anxious the next. The reasons behind these shifts can be as trivial as overeating or not getting enough exercise. We often have little control over these emotional roller coasters. Often such harsh judgments towards others surface either when we are doing very well or we are not doing well at all. 

It's crucial to acknowledge that we can't predict how we'll feel weeks, months, or years from now. Life is ever-changing, and our perspectives shift accordingly. Judging our friends based on their choices and through the prism of our current value system and priorities can lead to misunderstanding and distance. Empathy and connection are qualities that need to be cultivated. It is okay to tell friends that they are overwhelming you and that you need to take a break from them.  However, if their life choices are getting on your nerves, it's your responsibility to go to the root of this irritation, and not make your friend to be it the source of it. 

When we feel our hearts closing towards someone, it's vital to pause and reflect. Find common ground, meditate on positive memories, and send good wishes their way. You don't necessarily need to message or call them; the mental connection matters.

This is how we save relationships—by addressing the root of the issue avoiding resentment and detachment and not letting the negativity fester for too long.  Our feelings can be unpredictable, but we can choose empathy and connection over judgment.

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