Anger is called Kamanuja or younger brother of desire. Whenever you find the younger brother sneak picking, look for the dissatisfied older brother who must be pacing around. Anger is the result of some unsatisfied need.
Needs distinctly differ from wants. If needs are like a glass of fresh water, then wants are like a salty ocean. Needs can quench, wants only frustrate. Needs can be quenched, wants only get magnified.
If the trigger point of anger is an unmet need, then as soon as you identify the need, you can tackle your anger. But if the trigger point of anger is an unmet want, then in spite of identifying the want, you can do nothing to tackle your anger. Because it may be humanly possible to make arrangements to meet all needs but it is divinely impossible to satisfy all wants. Before you decide to handle your anger, first qualify whether your desire is a need or a want.
When an unfulfilled need angers you, one should deal with it assertively. Being assertive about your needs is not being demanding from others but about being respectful to yourself. The need-based trigger points of anger can be dealt by being assertive about them without hurting anyone else. However, when an unfulfilled want angers you, it completely conquers you.
In the Ramayana, when Vibhishan tried his best to counsel his elder brother Ravana about his wrong judgment of Rama’s prowess and his unethical kidnapping of Sita, Ravana became wildly angry. Such was the magnitude of his anger that he ran up to Vibhishan and kicked him disdainfully as a full court looked on aghast. Ravana wanted absolute autocracy where no questions were asked. When his unreasonable want of absolute autocracy was not met, he blasted his own brother Vibhishan. In simply trying to help Ravana see his mistake, Vibhishan unwittingly stepped on his brother’s oxygen tube named absolutism and became the recipient of his wrath.
Aggressive anger is a bad counsellor. Just like the sweat of hippopotamus becomes red when angry, a human becomes tainted with shameless colours when angry. Aggression is a persuasive technique used by the weak in heart. They try to show their confidence by aggressive body language. But in reality, end up displaying their discomforting weakness. A weak man in anger cannot be a strong man in stability. The value system of a man in anger changes swifter than the stock market.
Getting angry is easy, but identifying our need is difficult. Sometimes our anger may be directed at one place, but our need may be at a completely different place. One’s need may be to reach the office on time, but one may express his unmet need due to being stuck in a traffic jam, on a driver who is honking behind. The boss may disrespect one, but he blasts on his wife who is showering her love on him. By identifying your unmet need, you identify the trigger point of anger. Dealing with an enemy becomes easy when you know why he is your enemy.
· Anger is a result of unsatisfied needs and wants
· It is possible to meet all needs but impossible to satisfy all wants.
· Many times, anger gets vented on someone other than the root of the anger.
· Beware of anger that arises from unmet wants because that can conquer and destroy.