Scared... to be by yourself?

You could be happy being in your own company, but only when you do not feel lonely while you are alone.

Aparna Kapoor | Updated on: Saturday, August 10, 2019, 10:39 AM IST


In today’s world, everyone seems to yearn for company; if not physically, then at least virtually. Rarely does a person simply sit doing nothing without bending down over his phone when alone. The question here arises that why do we get anxious of being alone? Why is it a social stigma to spend an evening all by ourselves over a quiet meal? It could mean that we are either scared to listen to our mind-talk or lack the self confidence to face ourselves. It could also imply that we don’t know how to be comfortable to be alone.

We want to be in company because we never learnt how to enjoy doing anything on our own. We always look for acknowledgement, acceptance or appreciation from others in order to boost our self confidence. But till we learn to enjoy our own company, we would be unable to become emotionally independent and confident. Also, we would be unable to go to the inner depths of our being and dig out the most sought-after gem of our existence called ‘Happiness’; because happiness is something which can never be acquired through anything outside of you. It is hiding somewhere deep down in the inner depths of our consciousness and shall reveal itself only when we get to truly know ourselves.

Recharge and reflect

The time alone gives us the opportunity to build a relationship with ourselves when we get to know what kind of person we truly are. When we are surrounded by people, most of our energies are diverted and focused towards them. Constant interaction could be mentally exhausting and taxing when we are mostly concentrating on managing either others’ emotions or our reactions towards those emotions. But, in contrast, when we are in our own company, we can hear our mind loud and clear and can actually have a conversation with ourselves. And that would help us to introspect. Every time we are alone, we get the opportunity to reflect and ponder over not only the personal issues which bother us, but also our strength which helped us stand tall at the time when things were seemingly difficult. Such self-analysis knits us closer to our core; which, in turn, is the key to self-realisation and is instrumental in manifesting the default divinity within. It also reinforces our self-belief and boosts our self-esteem.

The pretentious mode we usually switch to when we are with others, switches off while in self-company. This process is rejuvenating and our consciousness goes into an auto-correct format of self cleansing and improvement. Why do you think the hardcore criminals are kept in solitary confinement? The major reason is to give them time alone to ponder over their deeds and perhaps change their ways. The highlight is ‘changing their ways’. So the solitude which we get from time to time should be used to flush our system of the past momentum of our mind and bring a fresh lease of energy with an improved version of our own selves. When we change ourselves, we become independent and in charge of our own emotions, because we need no validation of any kind.

Practice perfect balance

In the present context, when people do not find company, they hook on to the virtual world of social media to seek company—Tinder, Instagram, and the like. Worse still, they continue to bear the physical or mental atrocities and continue to pursue a relationship just because they fear to be alone. What they do not realise is that they are, anyway, lonely in such a company. Understand the difference between being lonely and being alone. Neither be a compulsive loner nor force yourself to socialise, because none of them is a healthy scenario. One needs to mingle, face various people and situations to come back and spend that time alone to connect with the innate self. Self-judgement is possible in moments of extremes— in the moments of stress and happiness. Also, do not intentionally cut yourself out on the pretext of being introspective. Life is beautiful when shared with someone, with all its colours. Just learn to strike the right balance. Learn to ask questions when in company but also learn to be silent when alone, because silence has all your answers.

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Published on: Sunday, August 11, 2019, 06:30 AM IST