We are living an age where relationships come and go easy, marriage is dispensable, choices are vast and where we always look for the next best thing. Here is a list of 12 such reasons why you may be single and have not settled into a peaceful, loving relationship.
You are not ready for a relationship: It is possible your studies, career, personal goals are taking a priority over relationships, your focus is not meeting people actively. You are comfortable in your life, and while you may want someone, you are not ready to move your life around to make space for another individual.
Your routine is rigid: If you do the same thing and go to the same places daily, you will not meet varied people. Join a new gym, try switching timings if you’re already hitting the gym, join a hobby class which will have like-minded people, socialise more, change the places you frequent as part of your night life routine, all these will help you meet different sorts of people from all walks of life.
You are emotionally shut down: You may like the idea of being in love or in a relationship but your energy emotionally is shut down. Your heart and mind has to be open to sharing your life with another individual.
You are on on guard all the time: You do not allow your vulnerabilities to show. You are afraid to get hurt and of rejection. Therefore, do not allow people to see you for who you really are.
You have been hurt in the past: Our past is meant to teach us our lessons, if we carry that baggage, what was the point of undergoing all the pain? We repair our wounds and learn from our mistakes.
We emerge stronger because we have been through tough and challenging times. Instead of letting it break us, it should help us be stronger and confident of not making those mistakes again.
You chase valueless attributes: Looks, vanity, and money are great to a certain point, but they do not last long. Value systems do, integrity does, honesty does, and a willingness to place another before self does. Your value systems must align with that of another for a relationship to work.
You have commitment phobia: You are always keeping your options open rather than wanting to build a serious meaningful relationship with your current partner. You have one foot out of the door and you are always looking for the next better person instead of making it work with one person.
You fear intimacy: Building a strong connection with another individual requires a lot of effort. You need to let go of your ego, communicate freely and honestly and allow the other person into your personal space – physically and emotionally. However, you find it easier to walk away then make it work.
Lack of inner reflection: Often we are unwittingly clueless about who we are as a person. What are our strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes? What are our value systems? Do we know what we want from our partners? The boundaries we are willing to draw with them, what are the parameters that are non-negotiable for us? Knowing who you are as a person goes miles in having complete clarity of what we want or don’t want in our relationships.
Family dynamics and history: If you grew up in a toxic environment, abusive household, or if one parent was missing in your life, its what you tend to look for in a partner as well. Until we heal our childhood traumas, we cannot expect to hold healthy relationships in our adult lives.
Anxiety: When we operate from a space of constant need to find someone, the right person who completes you or makes you happy, our energy is that of anxiousness. This blocks a partner from coming into our life. Be yourself, be happy in your own life, and you will automatically attract the right person, who is good for you and the one you need.
Timing: In the end, you can do all the work on yourself, have all the money and fame in the world, but sometimes, you have to surrender and allow the universe to do its job for you. The universe knows best and when the time is right, you will meet someone you will want to rock your life boat for.
(The writer is a relationship expert and owner of dance fitness studios called Arts in Motion Studios India)
