One of the most perplexing aspects of human relationships is to hurt someone we love and to get hurt by someone who loves us. But why? Why do we do this to us and the ones we love? Most common answer given by many is “because we just want to do it”. There is no logical reason for it, but it’s something that just happens. According to psychologists most of the people hurt someone because they want something they think they can’t have, or have something they don’t want. If we closely observe ourselves, then we would find that most of us are in one of the above two conditions, and we don’t know what to do about it, hence we think that the only method of getting what we want is to hurt someone. Also, when we open ourselves to someone, whether it's a partner, family member, or a close friend, we expose our vulnerabilities. We share our deepest fears and insecurities with those closest to us, and when disagreements arise, those same vulnerabilities become weapons which are fired from either side and in some cases from both sides.
Considering the fast-paced life that most of us live today, the most susceptible reason that causes turbulence in relationships is miscommunication and misunderstanding. It’s an undeniable fact that communication is the cornerstone of any relationship, but it's also where things can go awry. Because when there are arguments and when emotions run high, people often react impulsively, as a result, things often turn into bitter mis-understandings and in some cases violent fights, leading to hurt feelings that may take a long time to heal. In the heat of a moment, we say things we don't mean, and yet, those words linger far longer than the argument itself. Another reason for relationships going sour is high expectations that we hold, which when not met, lead to a feeling of disappointment, slowly curdling into anger and resentment. And this frustration, if not addressed, can manifest as emotional or verbal damage. We forget that the people we love are, at the end of the day, only human, as flawed, as overwhelmed, and as lost as we sometimes are ourselves. Perhaps the answer, then, lies not in understanding why we hurt each other, but in choosing consciously and repeatedly, not to. Lord Mahavira's words, spoken centuries ago, carry a wisdom that is strikingly modern in its simplicity: if life is dear to all, then so is the peace within it. So, to live well together, we must first learn to hold each other's vulnerabilities with care, not as weapons, but as the deepest form of trust , a trust that deserves nothing less than our gentlest selves.
(The writer is a spiritual educator and popular columnist for publications across India, Nepal, USA, UK, Canada, South Africa, Australia, and Mauritius. To date 9500+ Published Columns have been written by him. You can reach out to him at nikunjji@gmail.com or visit www.brahmakumaris.com)
