I have a problem with my mother in law. Recently we moved into different flats in the same building. But since I have had a baby I have noticed my mother in law has just put her hands up from taking any responsibility towards her grandchild. She doesn’t even come up o play with her nor does she ever ask me to send my daughter down to her. I don’t understand why would she not feel anything for her grandchild. This is making my husband and me both distant from her and my father in law. Even at times when I really need help with my daughter they are never there. I feel hurt and upset.
Ans: It definitely sounds strange. But maybe there is more to this. Your in laws definitely may love their grandchild but it may be something about you or your husband that is bothering them. Why don’t you have a open discussion with your mother in law and tell her how you feel and want your daughter to have her grandparents around more often. Some in laws even believe that if they get involved too much their daughter in law may find it interference. And for some grand parents who are still young and have a good social life, taking responsibility might scare them of loosing their freedom. They may feel if they start taking care of their grandchild too much, you’ll will always keep your child when and they will be stuck at home. But a clear discussion is important before you draw any conclusions and spoil relations. Give them a chance to say what they feel.
Insecurity
I come from a very well known, affluent family. I am soon going to be signing a film too. I am 22 years old and my whole family has been in the film industry since several years. Recently I have got involved with a girl who is from a very simple background and she studying to be a dentist. I don’t think she is ready for me entering this line and worries about our relation as this line does involve a lot of attention from the opposite sex and the popularity too. I really like her and don’t want to give up on this relation so please help me convince her and make her feel secure.
Ans: Fame and recognition can be exciting as well as challenging. Getting sudden attention can boost one’s ego and make one think highly of themselves. The person can get carried away and may neglect or take close relations for granted being blinded by the fame. You both are still young and have much more to see and many more people to meet. What you both must mutually decide is to take each step as it comes and support each other in all times. It’s difficult for either of you to commit at such a young age but you’ll can promise each other honesty and loyalty which reduces unrealistic expectations.
Difficult boss
I am working in a small private company for quite some time now. My boss is a perfectionist and working with him can not only be difficult but impossible too. He can really penalise a person for small mistakes and needs us to work exactly in the fashion he wants although he gets the same results he expects. How do I tackle my boss?
Ans: Staying or Working with a perfectionist can be traumatising for people around him/her. But accept this as a part of their personality and try to work around it. Do not take things personally when he/she points out the wrong. Understand that it is a problem he/she is facing, which compels him/ her to want things in a certain manner. Try doing as much as you can in the it is wanted and ignore the rest. Perfectionists basically look for organisation. If they see that in your work they will be happy and appreciate your work too.
Stammering problem
My problem is my stammering. I have been stammering all my life, which has been making others feel I am stupid and unfriendly. Thus my self-esteem is zero. I am in one of the best architecture college and my work is suffering because of my stammering. I once went to a psychiatrist and was suggested to take anti-depressants which I am totally against. Also I have a girlfriend who is so bold and outgoing and successful that I feel she is with me only out of pity. I don’t know what to do. My life is going completely downhill.
Ans. I am sure you girlfriend is not with you out of pity or because she feels sorry for you. You seem to be feeling sorry for yourself which is making you feel like you don’t deserve better than an ‘OK’ girlfriend. You are definitely worth a lot more and I am us somewhere within you know it. If you keep feeling less confident about yourself you will have trouble maintaining relationships too. Stammering is common sometimes due to psychological reasons too. You could try non-evasive treatments, go for therapy to both a psychotherapist and a speech therapist and work on the stammering. Don’t let one weakness pull you down. And as you mentioned you are in one of the best architecture colleges, you must understand you got into it on your own merit. So do not under estimate yourself. Focus on your strengths and achievements and live yourself with both your strengths and weaknesses. Only when you love yourself will others also perceive you are positively.
