In a strange way the last three days after Zarine Khans passing felt like a wedding - a poignant celebration and send off for an angel by her loved ones. The going away of a bride in red. Only thing is it is forever. Or maybe until we meet in another “multiverse” like her spunky witty grandson Aariz said in his farewell speech on stage.
I know that i was camping out at Juhu practically for four days nearly as if it would make me feel closer to her- or as if she’d apparate back. The complete disorientation I felt at her sudden departure made me want to do things for her or things to do with her. I cancelled all work stuff and tried to stay busy around her family. And they were more than gracious -carrying her legacy forward - and friendships forward with grace and alacrity. All the time grappling with their heart wrenching anguish. For anguish it was. Suzanne Khan was ostensibly devastated. Simone in her dignified way was trying to be brave and take care of things softly silently. And Farah was holding fort by making it all work seamlessly with their help and support. The rituals and the work side of it.
Mallika Khan brilliantly supported it all from the wings ensuring that the table which has been one of the most celebrated ones in Mumbai was no short of what it had always been. She made sure the dining experience was as grand and delectable as when Zarine was here with us. I’ll abstain from using words like ‘alive’ and ‘dead’ because I have always believed in the immortality of the soul - but friends like Zarine make the word ‘immortal’ seem even more real.
Zarine has left behind innumerable memories. It may never register that this sparkling persona has left. It sounds unreal to my own ears. Just last week we were celebrating the birthday of another octogenarian Dinesh Khanna and I had ironically written in this column that I worry about having friends of that age that i might outlive them and have to bear the pain. Sounds ominous isn’t it? This kind of pain is something I hadn’t bargained for.
At the beautiful prayer memorial at JW Marriot Sanjay Khan shared “her light will always be there. She will continue to inspire all who knew her. May God give our family the strength to bear her loss.”
“When i looked at her luminous eyes - I found the world in her. I asked her - will you marry me. She said “ if i feel the way i do one year after today I will marry you” and they got married a year later and created a haven at the beachfront Spanish Hycienda where they lived and created myriad beautiful memories.
We have very little time in life. Let’s make the best of it. Her sudden departure is an acute reminder of the transience of life!
Zayed shared, “There is a word called 'insai' it means the depth in the ocean. My mother never engaged in petty things. She held the depth of the ocean. My mother taught us so many simple things but so profound. She was my God. Like a dew drop that drops from a leaf to the ground and then to the ocean. From wherever she is she is saying to us all “be happy”!“ In my book a true star Zayed Khan.
On my way back as I drive away from the departure- the rituals - the Chandan on the pyre- the prayers- somebody said something about closure! For me there can never be closure- for a friend as close and precious as vibrant as fun as joyous - laughter that tinkled- eyes that crinkled at the corners- my ecologies are endless! She was my guardian angel, navigator, my strength. The love she spread to all- her magnificent dining table where all of us feasted - one of the grandest tables in Bombay.
Zarine had a secular stand on marriage and her stand for righteousness, her love for love - her loyalty to friends stood her apart in this transient world of brittle relationships.
I remember at a difficult phase I went through some people decided to judge me - competitiveness being the cause . She stood up valiantly for me against the envious detractors and brought them to book with steadfast protective loyalty.
When the pandit at Pavan hans - the. Venue for the last rights spoke about right action and creating a path to heaven - i felt she would fly to the arms of the almighty on a special luxury charter!
The eulogies d on stage made me realise that it was not only my heart in which a big lacuna has been left - in my life - in my everyday! Many people spoke feelingly about their loss. For an intimate group of us that met regularly- she was our bond and anchor
The last time when i spoke to her, just a night before she left- she had said to join her at her home at seven in the evening the next day! I did go to her home but to her send off instead. Not the way she and I had planned at a musical evening with Bina Aziz. We were to singsong together! Now she’s in a divine mehfil with the almighty looking at us!
I will miss you Zarine Khan.
Write to Nisha JamVwal at nishjamwal@gmail.com
