We are unable to have a normal sex life as my wife was raped in the past. I feel rejected. What should I do?
When a woman has been raped, she finds it difficult to have intercourse even with the one whom she loves and trusts. It is very important for you to have patience, as any pressure from your side may reawaken her trauma. She should visit a therapist who would help her to come out of the distress which she is enduring and restart the new life which is awaiting her. You must simply be with her, caring and cuddling. Your presence will eventually feel comforting. Re-establish physical intimacy by clearly stating to her: “It will not lead to intercourse until she is ready.” It is difficult for her and you too. Small simple steps without showing sexual impatience is the need of the hour. I appreciate you holding her and trust me, you are not rejected as a person.
After the 1950s, sex life declines. Is it true?
No, this is not true. Rather, many couples find sex to be more exciting, satisfying and pleasurable than in earlier days. The couple may take time to get aroused, but can reach orgasm. Some difficulties may arise, such as men facing erection issues and women feeling vaginal dryness, which are well addressed by an experienced sexologist. There can be a need for medicine or sometimes even couple therapy works wonders.
Sex life after two years of marriage seems boring. It has become mechanical. Please guide.
Boredom becomes a problem in sexual relationships affecting married life. The passion, thrill and excitement which was present in early days is replaced by monotonous patterns, making bedroom life dry. The routine hectic life and work stress takes over the fun. You must make conscious efforts to spice things up. Good sex just does not happen; you need to work on it. Just as you need to water a plant regularly, you both need to prioritise your sex life too. Talk openly on likes and dislikes, and respect each other’s needs. Ask yourself: When was the last time we enjoyed it? Was it satisfying? Work on a healthy sex life at the right time before it is late, as it gradually affects the marriage too.
Dr Hetal Gosalia, Samadhan Health Studio. Queries may be sent to sexmatters1234@gmail.com
