New evolutionary path: Swami Nithyananda will make cows speak in Sanskrit

Mumbai: Swami Nithyananda, who first caught the eye of the public as an ‘enlightened young seer’, only to sink into ignominy after being caught in flagrante delicto with an actress on video a few years ago, has decided the time has come to expand the horizons of other species in the animal kingdom.

Not just content with respecting them as life forms different from his species, he wants them to become anatomically similar to humans. In a video, the swami claims he can do this, “by initiating them into a superconscious breakthrough…they will grow these (human) organs and I will establish it, prove it through a scientific medical research.”

He claims to have “tested the software” and “…it was perfectly working…that is the reason I am claiming now. Understand, let this be on record, within a year I will establish this.” Further, it is not good enough for him that cows moo, bulls bellow and monkeys fritter away their time in idle chatter. So, he has decided to empower them (monkeys, lions and tigers) with “proper phonetic, linguistic capable vocal cords.’’ Closer home, cows and bulls will receive a grounding in Sanskrit and Tamil, he has declared. “We are going to have cows and bulls which will talk to you very clearly and legitimately in Sanskrit and Tamil.”

For those seeking more of his ‘sage’ wisdom, there is a video of him deconstructing Albert Einstein’s famous E= mc2, declaring, “Matter is continuity, energy is intensity…The intensity and continuity is separate [sic] for a non-veg crooked brain, which has seen only ups and downs. Only a vegetarian brain, which can retain the experiences continuously without losing the intensity, can understand ‘m’ and ‘c’ is not ‘mc’.” “It is emceeeeeeeeeeee,” Nithyananda says, tracing a line with his palm.

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