Revolver Ranee: Brooming tales

Idunno if there is any swachhta in our neighbourhood. The way some MPs were seen sweeping the cleanest part of this country, it seemed like their public relations and intentions need some real spring cleaning. JK Rowling may just be inspired to come up with better uses for the broom in her next magical venture.

Dream Girl Hema Malini, specifically, had a broom she was brandishing like a magician's wand - it was flying in the air and magically, no dirt flew in its wake. Her junior, Anurag Thakur, was trying hard to make a solid impression on the southern belle by ensuring there was no paper around her. Comically chivalrous it was.

Garam Dharam innocently got sucked into this dust-up. He took a swipe at his beloved and while the air between them is electric, it is certainly not with love, currently. First, he tweeted, she has lifted a broom only in fillums, not in real life. I always knew this man had a terrific, spontaneous sense of humour. Cheekily, he said Hema looked like an ‘anari’ but overnight, his hawa became tight.

Surely, broomsticks, real or threatened, flew from here to there. Countless memes (which could simply not be swept under the carpet) later, the Dream Girl must have turned nightmarish with annoyance and what must have happened we shall politely consign to, umm, beneath the rug. But afterwards, he blamed himself and again in mirth, apologised. Yamla, became pagla and deewana. Only hope Hemaji did not have to actually use the broom.

While on swachhta mission, this Piyush uncle needs to seriously do something about the railways. The railways held some puja, keeping in line with this regime’s beliefs. They wanted the universe to ward off buri nazar on them, so there would be no more delays and problems on Central Railway, especially. But come Wednesday, morning, the call came to the motorman. No wonder the acronym for Central Railway is MaRe (dead) in Marathi.

Now who thinks of NaMo, Piyush uncle and all, when nature comes calling urgently? Motorman stopped the local train, like it’s his personal gaadi, got off and just took a leak. Little did he know, ‘You are being watched’! A snooping Tom recorded and leaked video on social media. Swachhta, passenger safety, motorman's own safety were all flushed down the drain.

Mumbai city is like a ticking bomb. Something or the other keeps happening, which makes us wonder who is running the show. It’s on default mode, no doubt. Imagine a building with two wings, one is declared dangerous because one fine day, suddenly two floors are constructed and are illegal. The next thing you know, few years later the building gives way.

These same MHADA officials cannot handle the commute to Mantralaya in a/c cars and want to find office space near Mantralaya, 2,500sq ft, to be precise. How can they be bothered about those dying?

I don’t know about you all, but our public servants think they are ruling over us.

Tuesdays are a day to look out for, when sarkari dadagiri comes to the fore. To begin with, majority vehicle drivers/owners forget, the first right to the roads and pavements is that of the pedestrian. Methinks it will take seven births to see evolution in our country.

Then to top it, on Tuesdays, it’s sarkari mafia at its best. Big, big cars with huge backsides congest every road from Churchgate to Nariman Point. That Mantralaya resembles a terrible sarkari parking plot. As a bus passed by one day last week, two Mercedes SUVs imperiously indicated for BEST bus, which had the right-of-way, to yield. Or else, was the unspoken expression on the faces of security guys in those vehicles.

Speaking of commuting, the one, unfair downside of fare reduction on buses is the nuisance of more male crowds elbowing out females from even the little space they are spared. Not to mention unsolicited touchy-feely attempts ladies must subvert.

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