Now whenever anyone speaks of boats and cruises, I think of wonly the Titanic ship that sunk, the James Cameron film with a busty Kate Winslet and a naive-looking Leonardo DiCaprio. Back here in aamchi Mumbai, we have had two Titanic incidents back-to-back. I am trying hard not to laugh, though I have nearly choked to death in these last few days.

The first was the desi wannabe version of Kate bai, our lah-di-dah femme Fadnavis! She threw all winds to caution, police and official protocol. Madame was lost in deep thought as she ventured to the lowest deck of the Angriya, the first domestic cruise liner from Mumbai to Goa. Aga bai, how that video went viral. The missus just turned a deaf ear to the officer seen requesting her to move to safer ‘shores’ with railings. The Shwetambari (lady in white) promptly fished out her cellphone and began angling for the best selfie, while all viewers waited with bated breath for a strong wave to hit the cruise liner. But instead, other manner of hell broke loose. The Mr went off the media radar, leaving the Mrs to deal with the obvious backlash and she gave a tutored lesson on how selfies are dangerous. Aye, aye, ma’am.

Speaking of the need for speed, the second near-miss Titanic was the speedboat carrying officials who went on a site visit to the Arabian Sea for the work of the Shivaji statue. The government wants to make it the tallest statue in the world, bypassing all permissions, and environmental strictures. Can I hear Chhatrapati Shivaji Maharaj hum, “Don’t mess with me, I don’t need no monument.”  Suddenly, TV channels flashed breaking news of the capsize. There is surely some Murphy’s law that sums up the relation between the Maharashtra government and the deep seas, which they seem to be missing.

And then the light-eyed former beauty queen yet again cribbed about an ‘abusive relationship’, completely skirting the fact that her so-called abuser had slapped hard a predatory director. Causing the industry heavyweight to leak a bit more in the loo of a suburban five-star hotel, coz she got couched and then hit her ‘rhythm’.

We have now got a legal luminary who has been fascinated by two long-term dreams, one a double-decker local train, which the railways cannot escape unless they pray to change the bench or seek adjournments. And the second, is like straight out of a James Bond film — underwater parking, which he thinks is the ultimate solution to our overground woes.

Speaking of water, there is not much to drink for many, but the shower companies are advertising under-arm, under-knee and lateral water sprayers. A little stinginess may just help many more, who are equally deserving of water, but for their postal address.

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